3 minutes

take three minutes to write about the good things in your life

my dvr and being able to watch pink panther repeats on Boom.
Cinders and how she comes up and snuggles with me at night, then how she wakes me up in the morning even if I don't want to get out of bed.
Having my grama, and being able to go see her and spend time with her, even if all we do is watch TV. My favorite part is talking to her and hearing her laugh. I love how she says shieldren (children).
Being able to call certain people and they know instantly that I'm not all together. Sometimes having that kind of support means more than holding hands.

time's up.

Fire... NOT!

The Dallas firemen came to visit. Exciting stuff.

I knew I couldn't do this everyday.

Right now I really am having great issues with my lack of drive, focus and caring about anything. The only way to get thru it for now is these lists. So here it is for today.

01. The people in SoCal that I care about are all Ok as of this blog.
02. I was able to find some warmer shoes for the fall.
03. I got some bills out of the way.
04. Cinders is a very good alarm clock.
05. I still have a job where they don't care about watching the clock as long as your work is done.
06. I got free lunch today because the power went out, and stayed out.
07. I finally got to hang out with MK again, and true to tradition I fell asleep again.
08. I got over myself, put aside some past issues and picked up the phone.
09. I have a family that really is wonderful.
10. My bed is really comfortable.

name 10 things

I’ve been letting my secret out of the bag a lot lately.

I’ve also been noticing that doors are being opened for me, some of them opened a while ago but I’m just now finding the courage to step thru and explore their possibilities.

I’ve had the opportunity to come out of my shell and to make a few friends. Something that, as I’ve been told, for somebody that looks like me, making friends should be easy. In reality it’s incredibly difficult. Some of these new friends I’ve gone out with once or twice or hung out with on a more personal and intimate level. One or two have even welcomed me into their ‘families’ and to me that is the purest form of trust there is. Some I have found truly have the potential to have the ability to reciprocate a friendship and really do understand the meaning of non-judgmental listening and know how to offer advice in a way they know will be heard by me. Yet others seem to have ulterior motives and will remain at the distance I keep them, though they still have their place in my life.

I’ve even made friends with more than one woman, I’ll even be honest and say it’s closer to four. Wow. I consider this one of my great accomplishments this year. Considering that most of my life I’ve stayed away from female friendships because of my own irrationalies towards my own gender. Especially when it seems there are not many non-traditional women like me out there. Or maybe it just wasn’t the right time.

There have even been the rare males that happen to pop in my life at the right time to replace (not that they can ever be replaced, maybe substitute) my two closest friends in San Diego. They truly have shown the capacity of friendship and have not tried to push those boundaries. (my fingers will remain crossed because I know the reality of those kinds of friendships).

I appreciate that I have people who care enough about me to listen and show me alternate ways of seeing situations as well as advice on how to pursue positive methods of overcoming and working thru my own perceived barriers and internal struggles.

My new friend Chris suggested to me last night as a way to appreciate my surrounding to write a list of 10 things that are positive in my life about “today”. He said that the list can start off with small things but over time the lists will become more meaningful. He knows I love to write and I love to take photographs, so what he suggested couldn’t have been more appropriate and personal.

I’m not sure I can make a list everyday, but it will be done here even if it’s the only blogging I do. I might even post them on flickr as well.

Cinders

I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but she looks pissed.

Seriously. Get over it.

So I'm driving home today and the radio is again pissing me off. I get so desperate I start scanning stations. I hit the local reggaetón station and they were playing a song I could totally relate to. Now, if only I could live it.

The lies we believe.

Seriously kinda irrked/pissed about the whole Pluto thing. But really I only took this pic cause I wanted to compare my cel phone camera to my real camera. My real camera wins. In my other shot, you can't really tell much difference between the two. Oh well.

People Watching

Lunch at La Madelines

Greatest Fears.

There comes a time when you get to that age when its inevitable that the possibility of losing one or both your parents becomes a very harsh reality.

To me, death was never something that scared or made me all that sad. Guess I'm just weird like that. When I was in Jr. High I found out that the Irish celebrate their loved ones passing while they mourn the birth of newborns. I'm not sure that applies to today's culture, but from what I remember at the time it made perfect sense, like a really bright light was lit somewhere.

I mean really why cry about dying? Don't take it to mean that I'm one to go the complete opposite and be like "Oh yea. Good riddance. They're gone. Move on", more like celebrate that I knew them and everything they taught me. Cherish the memories I have of them and share those with with everyone else that loved them. Of course tears are gonna happen, but I can't see that I myself would be selfish enough to still want them here, when where they are is better ~ because they don't have to deal with the burdens of everyday life (or medication, or pain, or discomfort and there's nothing I can do to help, except be there).

And by them, I mean my parents.

My mom has been having an abundance of health problems for the past two years. Nothing like cancer or anything, thankfully. More like she was just diagnosed with type two diabetes, on top of lupus, and add arthritis to that, in two years time. And in a way I'm mad. And its not her I'm mad at, but more like reality has set in and the clock is ticking.

Because I would always tell her to watch what she was eating. That she didn't raise me to eat that way. I would suggest that she take up walking with my dad, even if it was going up and down indoor air conditioned supermarkets. When I was a kid my mom would weigh what she ate, and work out to her VHS tapes. I even tried to be like her and Mousercise at 6am all summer long.

I don't know the difference between type 1 and type 10 or if there is even a type 10. But I do know now, that I'm more at risk that ever and I doubt that whatever she has is reversible.

One grandma lived until her seventies. My other grandma is still with us, and she's the only grandparent I have left, who also has diabetes. My grandpa passed away late last year from ulcer complications that finally led to internal bleeding. My dad has almost been taken away from me three times. T H R E E. And I know every reason was of very unusual, out of his hands, freak incident circumstances. But my mom. Most of it could have been prevented. My mom, who I always thought would live forever.

The reality is that the past doesn't matter, it's what I do with her today that counts.

I'm afraid that I might not get another 20 years with her, and now I might be one of those selfish people that I don't understand that cry at funerals. Which only means I need to enjoy what time I have left with her, and hope this is the scare that she needs to actually take care of herself, because nothing I said to her got into her head.

Please don't tell me that you can't change people, they have to want to change. I'm aware of that. I don't know what I'm mad at, but add this to the list of everything else that is just pissing me off lately, that I also can't seem to let go of.

The most important this is she's still here with me, and I get to see her this weekend. Hopefully I'll have done enough research to give her some useful advice.

So go on watch this and laugh, cause I've already cried enough for one day.:

The beauty of outsourcing.

I keep seeing reports in the news about all the fungus that chicks are catching all in the name of vanity. There are a multitude of reasons that I stay out of nail salons but the fact that they’re so unsanitary is the primary one. When these stories are features you’re bombarded with images and stories of cases where these shops obviously have unsanitary conditions and of course they warn us what to look out for if you just HAVE to have your beauty fix while frequenting the local nail shops.

Hey if anything, if you have eighty dolla’s to spend on some ridiculously over priced paint job, then you have the money to spend on getting that fungus removed. The sad thing is, you shouldn’t have to fear for your health because of sanitary neglect.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the girly pampering sessions. I love taking trips to day spas and getting massages and facials. I even love having all my body hair ripped out. However when it comes to having somebody work on my nails, the line is drawn. In my experience most nail salons are run by people who don’t give a shit for customer service because they know SOMEBODY will continue to frequent their stores. On top of that their advertising is extremely misleading and what starts off as something that says $10 manicure / $15 pedicure ends up being around $55 if not much more.

You’re manipulated out of your money by all these little things. Charges range from removing your cuticles, putting lotion on your arms and even scrubbing your feet with sea salt. You gotta give these workers some credit though. I mean take a really good look at CERTAIN peoples feet and you will see the workers DO earn their money just for touching them nasty monkey claws. But if you say NO to these little offers they guilt you into it anyway. Yea, it feels awesome and tingly, but really. Is it worth it?

When you originally get in, you’re tricked into believing the wait is only 5 minutes. Which then turns to 20 and of course you have to look at old magazines that promote ‘perfect beauty’ which in fact makes you feel frumpy in comparison to the airbrushed beauties.

After you’ve waited, then you’re rushed to a chair and ordered to sit a certain way. Wow. I sure feel welcome and appreciated. You get to pick out a color, but certain colors cost more than others. If you want a pretty mural theme painted on your nails this is also more. And if you want that so called chip resistant top coat then that’s ALSO an additional charge.

Of course don’t forget about the lotion on your hands which then causes the paint to peel within 2 days, pretty much negating the amount of money you’re dropping onto your beautiful nails.

And if you’re unlucky enough to have sat in the salon while your paint was drying… Not to mention that they take your money BEFORE the paint job is finished, you know cause you don’t want to ruin your pretty nails by digging in your purse. But if you happen to get to your car and your paint somehow smears, fixing it definitely isn’t free.

No, I’m not speaking from experience, and I’m not bitter. Not at all. With the money that is spent on having somebody else paint my nails, I could just as easily buy the stuff to do it at home. . . and definately have better results, hopefully with no fungus.

Read a mudda . . .

So I'm watching CNN today because like the good girl that I am, I wanted to be like all 'up to date' on my current world and social events and as I'm sitting there I see this:

As you know, the news prompters are making their typical monotone CNN educated PC observations and trying their hardest to not bust out laughing. I sat there in my living room, eyes glued to the tv and jaw agape down to the floor, I was mesmerized and shocked at what I was seeing. It didn't even seem that CNN had any censorship on-air, but it could be possible that my mind has grown so accustomed to filling in the gaps.

After it was over I had to youtube it to see the whole thing. The commentators were talking over the video, and of course was only partially aired. So I watched it, and I didn't know where to feel dirty, to laugh, or to shake my head in disbelief.

I have to say, I totally get the satire. Really I do. I even appreciate it as well as all the slander and offensive language. Seriously, how else are you going to reach out and slap your target audience? Watch this video and get past the frequent F-bombs and stereo-typical one-sided-accepted use of hip-hops N-'splicitive word and tell me if you can hear this songs very hard hitting message.

I'm not one to say that I get *inner-city* culture cause I don't. I didn't grow up there, much less know anybody that is proud to say rose-above and climbed out. I studied my ass off, during high school, in college and everything I've learned in between is something that can be applied to everyday life. The situation just has to present itself.

With that said I am of the belief that they chose to STAY there, surrounded by the mess they create for themselves. Not only do they not care for themselves, but they don't care for their surroundings, their offspring or the society they enclose and isolate themselves in.

The people that are able to rise above, either because they are smart, or talented and on some occasions both. Combine that with luck and you have the newest and most dangerous American: the superstar role models.

Long ago and even now, I'm moved by the deeply powerful lyrics that came out of these so called role models. When all they really are are self proclaimed, and proud of it, thugs. Every now and then one would sing something that really make you *THINK* and appreciate what you had and even be happy they were no longer a part of their former surroundings. It all that changes when you see them become these freakish role models and you hear them open their mouth. You gotta wonder: "Is this an act?". They propagate to all the other inner-city youth that they should be flossin their grills and spending their money on useless trash. On top of that, they make it seem that just because one person made it out, everyone else is ENTITLED to as well.

And that's just not the case. The American way now is different than it was 10, 20, 50 and surely 100 years ago. Todays kids believe they're entitled to be special because they've been told they're special their entire lives. They've had everything handed to them from day one and never had to work for it, figure it out, or do any of the hard work. I believe this applies to the inner city kids as well.

My generation is so full of angsty late 20 to early 40 years olds who tend to believe that you work for what you have and that respect is something that's earned not just handed out. My parents generation is of the belief that you respect anyone older than you, even if they're not worthy of it.

I might have gotten off track here, the point is. Todays generation of kids don't raise the kids they have, somebody else does. They don't care about anything except material possessions that mean nothing and have absolutely ZERO value from the point they've been paid for, usually by somebody else. And the only way that todays kids WILL read something is if you put in on your ass and SHAKE it.

I've been saying for years I wanted to make a tshirt on it that says "SMART" but I don't think that anybody but me would wear it. Education is everything and opens so many doors.

What would you have done?

One of my more realistic phobias is fear of bridges. I absolutely cannot stand them, but since they are a part of daily life I’m forced to deal with them, and drive over them. Every day. Yesterday when I went to go have dinner with my grandma, we were watching the Texas Rangers ball game so I didn’t know the following tragedy occurred until this morning.

I was taking my routine morning shower and heard there was a tragic accident on the 35. Hmm. That didn’t sound right, WHICH 35? (See metroplex has a 35E and a 35W) I left the bathroom and walked in front of my TV, nothing looked right until it was mentioned the tragedy was up in Minnesota.

Damn.

What I saw looked like a security video, taken from the angle of Galloping Gertie and then all of a sudden, the bridge collapsed!!!

...And that is one of my biggest fears.

Not only did the bridge collapse, but it collapsed during rush hour traffic. There were kids on a bus that the story was focusing on (and pretty much all I’ve seen so far today). A reporter asked a Red Cross worker who was below the bridge what he saw and the Red Cross worker stated that what happened was what you would have expected to happen under the circumstances. To me that means the unspeakable. I can imagine this would have brought out the worst in people, because you know rush hour is also angst hour for many combine that with an unexpected tragedy and I’m sure the results are astounding.

When I lived in San Diego and moved to southern suburbia, the direct line to and from work was driving on the 805 over the 8. For any of you who have lived in or traveled over that bridge know that it’s HUGE (at least a quarter mile long, if not longer and at least 10+ stories tall if not taller). I know that it’s retrofitted every so often but that doesn’t make me feel any better when I would drive over, and it really made me feel icky when traffic would come to a standstill and I could feel the bridge shake.

That is one of the worst / scariest feeling that I can feel and have no control over.

Now this morning I heard that the bridge in MN was pretty much not even fit to be driven over. I can just see the lawsuits forming, all sorts of negligence going on there. I don't know what I would have done if this had happened to me. I can't even begin to image the loss everyone is feeling.

When do you stop thinking in terms of 'We'?

When does that point happen? I've been going thru my three flickr accounts and trying to merge them all into one and in doing so I've come across very powerful images. Some of them take my breath away, others make me smile and 'remember the times. . .' and still others make me extremely angry, sad, remorseful and what have you. I can't bring myself to delete them because they are a part of me, and just cause I delete them doesn't mean they didn't happen.

I've never been much of a sentimental girl, but I find myself looking at certain calendar days as being special in some way. As in this happened this day, or I was doing this on that day . . . or even worse: "I never imagined I would be here (as in HERE, where I am N O W) a year ago today!". I always thought there would be that stupid Cinderella Happily Ever After ending between us. A funnier feeling is the sense of dread I get such as one in that the world is going to end today because something happened back then. . .

I'm not ready to talk about my past to people that are trying to get close to me. I'm even more selective about people I talk to in general. Aside from writing about my past to random internet strangers, it's hard to even talk about it to people that ARE close to me without getting emotional. As stupid as it sounds, I keep wondering if I did do the right thing. I wonder if I could have left in a less traumatic way. I wonder if I really did do everything I could to 'make things work'.

Does that mean I haven't healed?

I only think about these things because when I talked to my dad last, we didn't tell each other "I love you!" before we hung up. I know why he didn't (and it's not cause of a fight, but sometimes people wear blinders or have tunel vision) but after hearing it for so long and being so accustomed to it, it felt weird not saying it.

It made me think that "What if that is the last time I talk to him? I didn't say I loved him."

Which for some reason has made me thing of the last time I left the other half of my then "WE" and it wasn't good. At the time I was content with the departure, now I'm not so sure. It's not like I can take it back or ask forgiveness, but it's there, it's done and can never be undone. I don't know if it's shame or atonement I feel yet it is constantly on my mind as of late.

Even when referring to the old "we", I'm very careful about saying "the ex" "my ex" "my then BF" or any other past tense phrases to new people. I just say "my friend". It sounds better. I don't sound like a broken half of an old couple. People don't ask questions about the friend they way they would about "the ex" and better yet, they don't give me that LOOK of PITY.

This is me, a year ago today taken by the other half of that "We". Who knew I'd be where I am now.

Am I putting my old "WE" on a pedestal that we no longer need to be on?

I'm so glad I don't

Have food alergies.

Yesterday a co-worker and I were going to have Lebanese for lunch. Silly me pulled two dumb moves two days in a row. Day one, I forgot to leave the house with a camera battery AND my cel phone, so when the Downtown Dallas Gas Explosion happened, I wasn't able to take pix of it. I did see huge plumes of smoke from my manager's window. Day two, I didn't pack the CF card.

DOH!

I wanted to try to get a backup 512mb card, but radio shack was charging more for the smaller card than I paid for my card that was twice as large. Can you say: NO Thanks!? I thought you could. Feels good, doesn't it?

Anyway, back to Lebanese. By the time we got to the restaurant, there was a line. Can you hear me? I said it again: NO Thanks!

So what are the alternatives? Taca Cabana? Ugh. No.

I remembered asking my co-worker if he like Japanese food, and his first reaction was No. So I thougth about my question first. I said: Do you trust me? He said: yes, I said: We're going to have Japanese then. He gave me a look. I asked: Have you ever had it before?

No, isn't it all raw?

No, they have other stuff too, trust me you'll like it.

Ok.

So we found a place about a block away that I've been wanting to try. As we walked in, I loved it. It had a very eastern feeling without feeling like they were going over the top. I had my sashimi plate and he ordered some shrimp. Since we both had bento boxes, we also had Gyoza, salad, Cali rolls AND shrimp and veggie tempura.

He's not much of a fried food eater, but I suggested he try it all before dismissing it completely. He was skeptical of it being 'heavy' and when I assured him that it wasn't he tried it. Then I said something I never even thougth about or ever had any fears about saying before. The tempura was probably fried in peanut oil.

The look in his eyes nearly stopped my lunch.

I'm glad he doesn't have peanut alergies, but I'm greatful that I've never had to have any food fears or allergis. I love that I can eat everything, and feel bad for people that don't.

Another co-worker and I were just discussing lactose intolerance, prob one of the food allergies I do have, but I eat cheese an chai's anyway. Then suffer the consequences later. :)

Just getting old.

What is it with music today? Actually, it's not like this is new or anything but it just seems that the radios play nothing but crap. Not only do they play CRAP, but the same stations seem to play the same crap at the SAME time!!

Hello?

Don't you guys have program managers that like, I dunno talk to each other and make sure that you're all not playing the same crap at the same time? I'm sure running a radio station doesn't require a degree in rocket science and I'm sure they also have no problems hiring, oh say, you know the bottom of the class lowbies. But really, is it too hard to ask for a little but uniqueness to the lineup?

The listeners are what really crack me up, cause according to the radio stations, they're the ones requesting this garbage.

I've pretty much subjugated myself to internet radio and havn't really regretted the decision. One thing that made me feel old was when I was in my car not to long ago and one of the DJ's of one of those 'oldies' stations said something along the lines of 'classic' rock. . . GUNS -N- ROSES had just finished playing!!!!

Like OMG. . . when did that happen?

I remember watching the movie "Children of Men" (the whole movie is set in the future) and there is this scene where Michael Caine (who is up in his years, but still a mega hottie) and in this movie he is "OUR" age (Gen-X-year-old) but of course since it's in the future he's playing a fifty-ish year old.

Anyway . . .

He puts on his Living Colour on acid rendition of what sounded like "Cult of Personality" and rocked out with his strawberry smelling cigarettes, while Clive Owen (did I mention he's a hottie too?) looked on in amused questionment.

Why is it that I can see myself doing something along those lines when I'm fifty-ish years old?

Cause yea,

Here I am today, rocking out to my 90's Alternative Rock Internet Radio and I couldn't be any happier when my classic GNR comes on live radio.

Go me.

Things that irritate me (1)

People, especially absolute strangers ~ that think they can call me honey, darling, sweety, baby or any combination of those endearing names.

You're not intimately related to me. DO NOT speak to me as if I am YOUR pet. This is just something that immediately sets me off.

Attack of the Exes!

I asked my close friend last night if she believes things happen in threes. She asked me to elaborate, and I while was reserved about asking her, I went ahead and asked her anyway. It's better to get your aprenhensions out in the open than let them fester inside and eat away at you.

Well, I didn't think about what was really bothering me until yesterday.

But really, it started about two weeks ago, I got a courtesy email saying that yahoo was removing their picture feature and focus SOLELY on flickr. They said I had pictures in an ancient account and they would be deleted on a specific day and my course of action was to move them before that catastrophic event happened.

Those of you that really know me know that I never delete photos, not the originals anyway.

I found the pix that somehow were saved in some strange place for some strange reason I never remembered storing, but I do remember having ~ I felt sick seeing them. They were nothing bad but it was definately not my best memories. Since I had this old account opened, I thought I would see who sent me emails, or if there was any interesting spam coupons.

I felt even sicker when I saw that there was an email from someone *IN* the pictures I had just looked at. The only consolation I got from reading the message was that *I* was the one that WON. That person broke their silence and contacted me, even though in our last conversation I expressed extreme interest that I never wanted to be contacted again EVER under any circumstances. It goes to prove that even though people come and go in your life ~ they never truly leave.

-----

Then after work two more incidents happened back to back.

First was waiting to meet up with someone at a specific time, while I was waiting I decided to check my regular email. There was another message, this time from a different Ex, this one being my ex-husband. Now the circumstances here are completely different. We actually get along and our split was a mutual one. While we are not in constant contact, we do keep each other up to date on any major change in each others lives. While that wasn't always the case, that's the way our paths cross now.

I last spoke with him around thanksgiving, he was just following up to see if I've landed on my feet. Seeing his message just showed me that he still genutely cares.

-----

While this next one doesn't really mean it's the third, it's still an encounter of some sort. Yesterday I was deleting pictures from my phone that had already been uploaded. I found one of another guy I dated earlier this year (thought I don't consider an 'EX' ~ he was just someone that I enjoyed spending time with, but it just wasn't going to work). I also posted the picture to my flickr account before deleting it.

My friend wanted to know the story of the picture, I told her, we laughed.

Yesterday, I was walking into a store, and I heard one of those loud VRROOMMMM car sounds. The sound made me giggle inside but I didn't bother to turn my head. In the store, I saw an the guy I dated earlier this year!!

I stopped dead on in my tracks, looked and verified it was him and turned and walked the other way. I paid for my stuff and as I was walking back to my car, I saw that it was his car that made those VRRROOOOM sounds.

-----

So things happen in threes. Does that last one count, or is there another email encounter in the works?

It's starting to look like I have a LIFE

This past weekend I went back to visit my parents and brought my grandma along for the ride. Unknown to both of us my uncle and his girlfriend did lots of work in her backyard. She now has quite a few steps so she can walk around and not get bitten by those invisible - grass - feet - biter - bugs.

They also added quite a bit of concrete that they meant to add before my grandpa died. Because of all the rain and 'flooding' there is a part of her yard that tends to over flow into the garage, hopefully the concrete that was added will either stop or significantly reduce the water that sneaks into her garage. They have drains back there already, but there is only so much the drain can take away....

Back to my weekend, I ended up doing quite a bit of shopping. I'd put a little aside and have been trying to hit up the outlet stores when I have time to replace all the stuff I left behind. Unfortunately it seems that people here have no respect for anything and sometimes you find sheets with bubble gum stuck to them, rugs that have other funny things that have things hidden in them so outlet shopping here is not only time consuming but sometimes a bit of a let down.

Where my parents live, they actually take care of the stores and people seem to be 'too-good' to want to pay discounted rates for high quality stuff.

That's cool! More for me!

I found a duvet cover and sheet set with pillowcases. My next purchases, more pillows and a replacement feather-like comforter. I'd like some real rugs too, but my little cheapies will do for now.

For my kitchen I found a set of 3 colanders, a set of 3 mixing bowls, 4 oven safe soup bowls, a HUGE butcher board, sandstone coasters, a real to-go tea mug, 3 wine corkers ( a fancy one and a basic one) two bread knives ( fancy and plain) an oven mitt, 4 wine glasses, 4 martini glasses.

Next on my list: a garlic roaster, a chili roaster, wine rack, silverware tray, utinsil display and maybe some more baking sheets.

Cinders of course got some treats too. I got her a new bed that matches my new bed set and for the kitchen she got a new water bowl, placemat and several food dishes.

For what started off as a bad start ended up pretty good. Everything is starting to look better.

How much luckier do you want to get?

This year is 2007.

This month is July (seventh month)

Today is the seventh.

AND Today is Saturday (the seventh day of the week)

Earlier it was 7:07 am.

And nothing special happened. I just ate breakfast with my parents and my grandma. Lucky Me :)

Couldna had a crappier start

So I was packing up my bags last night for a weekend @ my parents house and really couldn't decide what I wanted to bring. I could't decide if I wanted to bring Ms. Cinders or not either.
This morning I overfed Cinders, gave her a large bowl of water and made sure her box was clean. I finished throwing some stuff in my pink suitcase, grabbed the stuff I borrowed from my brother (to return when I get back on Sunday) and left the house.

Normally I listen to the traffic report, but heard nothing out of the ordinary or unusual. I was getting annoyed with the radio stations on my way to work because they were all playing the 'best of shows' which involved old Paris Hilton Jokes and the other local 'hot' stuff that was over two months old. I realize around 7:58 that I'm STILL on the road and NO WHERE near work, so I scan for traffic reports on my car. Nothing. Just lame repeater talk radio and absolutely NO music.

LAME.

To top it off, I went to make the phone call that I'm stuck in traffic and guess what: No Phone. It's a home charging. I'm going out of town. I'm NOT going back home LATER to get my phone. My camera, its packed in my suitcase in the trunk.

Great.

@ 8:20 I am STILL sitting in traffic on the SAME Tollway. I've moved no more than 500 feet and I'm noticing that behind about 20 cars there are NO more cars. They're being forced off the Tollway by policemen. Some of the cars at the end of the line are driving in reverse just to get off the Tollway as well. If I were to do that I'd have to drive over 1000 feet and I'm not risking a ticket. I'm already late. Since I don't have my phone I don't really know (aside from just driving EAST) how to get to work form here. Plus there are still about 10-15 cars behind me.

Phoey. I'll just sit here. And go forward. Slowly. I screamed and shook my steering wheel. Maybe nobody noticed. All I had was Tool in my CD player. I played it loud.

I finally get off the tollway a little after 9. I'm sure lots of people in the country know about the rain in North Texas. Even on the radio during the non 'best of' repeats they said that the flooding area covers enough land to be the size of Mississippi.

I mean WOW. As if Texas isn't big enough, now over half of it seems to be under water. They said California was gonna fall into the Ocean. Guess the Texans beat 'em to it.
Here comes the HIGHLIGHT of my morning.

I'm about a mile away from work, sitting at a dead stop. I'm not one to have people drive around with me in cars, but I do occasionally have passengers. I've been teased on more than one occasion about the distance I leave between the car in front of me and myself. (Usually about 1/2 of the car I am driving's length).

It's been raining on and off all two hours of my morning. The roads are wet. The Dooley in front of me is sitting @ a stop, I'm stopped. I look behind me and hear a screeching. I can see in in my rear view. I have no where to go, there are cars to my left and a car about to pass me on my right. I take my foot off the break because I've heard its better that way.

SMACK!!!!

That guy had to have been going at least 20mph when he hit me. My car went forward at least five feet, or so it felt. I'm lucky the airbags didn't deploy and there wasn't more damage to MY car. His car is another story.

(I'm going to have to update more later) (my weeked starts now) (please let it get better)

Things that make me laugh.

I'm a commercial geek, here are some of my favorites that no matter how many times I see them, they typically make me laugh. If I'm having a cruddy day and I'm frowning ~ they pep me up!

The Pepto Bismo Monsters



Subaru's Ricky



Maybe I wanna be a french fry! (Burger King)


I'll add more to this as I think of them.

You're just a little rebel, aren't you?

So I took the plunge. I may have taken it a bit soon but I'm totally ok with that. I bought an item on my wish list that I've been wanting since I moved out and all I am waiting for now is the shipping. I've never really been one to get excited over things but I think for this one I actually feel a little elated, even if it's just slightly.

My parents loaned me their P&S camera back in November and I've gotten considerably more use out of it than they have, however using is is extremely frustrating because of lack of focus and features, not to mention the actual quality of the pictures and the ability to edit them fully.

Here's what I bought as a treat for myself for getting thru these past few months. I pulled out my old camera bag to make room for the new one. The thought briefly crossed my mind to sell my ELAN Canon, but I enjoy black and white photography (even thought I've not taken a B&W pic since 2003) and even with the direction that digipix are taking I can't bring myself to completely take the plunge and just sell it off. Besides ~ it still takes awesomely beautiful pix and I still have a huge bag of film to snap thru.

I justified to myself that once I can actually afford my true wish of the Canon 30D and then eventually the Canon 5D (hahah) then I'll either 'give' my camera to my parents or maybe to my lil brother (who's also a pretty awesome photographer in his own right).

I would have probably waited a month or two, or even after buying these lovely babies, but after seeing Rachels pix. I don't wanna wait!!! It's that instant gratification thing :) tee hee hee

Since I have a camera bag, a flash card, a mini tripod, a slew of filters all I really need for my new baby is a real tripod, a strap and maybe a larger CF card. Yup ~ I'm excited all right.

They finally listened.

One of the coworkers on my floor gets a little excited every time she finds out they've hired a new person with a spanish sur name. One time she got so excited her emotional outburst was to say "We're taking over BAYBEEEE!!!" She actually turned a few heads with that one.

For the longest time, I've wanted food network to have a hispanic chef and I just saw what looks like a preview for a show that revolves around Latin inspired dishes. Excellent! I've seen so many shows with chefs (food network seems to have an abundance of italians) that will talk about their foodie experiences growing up and not once have I ever heard them talk about (when showing their talents at say, making oh fish tacos) how it was family inspired. Those stories usually revolve around some vacation or mentor chef, and that's just not nearly as special, cool and inspiring yes, but just not something to make you say 'ahhhh how sweet'.

I love listening to the home stories about how they cooked with their parents or grandparents and with this show coming up ~ hopefully I'll finally get my wish. I can't wait to see what Ingrid has to offer. Her show starts July 14th. Check out the details here. I sent an email about a year and a half ago requesting a spanish chef, guess it didn't fall on deaf ears :)

I'm slightly excited. As my coworker says "We're taking over BABYEEEE!!"

2007 Fireworks

Ok well, there's a little story here. Of course my ramblings never make much sense to anyone except me.

This is my composite pic from last year.

I lucked out in my housing situation since the fireworks show was only about a mile away. (which is excellent cause I totally hate crowds, dealing with parking and those random loud dumb drunk public people). Last year I had a completely different life, in a completely different world (like any other geek girl fairy tale it was far far away) and that fireworks show was literally in my back yard, this year the show was up on my roof and slightly farther away.

I looked up the show online, it started @ 9:35 so I headed out with my little camera. As I walked down the hallway, it was strangely more quiet than usual. I headed up three flights of stairs to the rooftop lot and I hear music. As soon as I opened the doors it was like a mini tailgating party. Except quieter. Sweet. The smell of hot dogs was in the air.

Since the entire area is concrete, some kids were snapping their bottle caps on the ground and just about every car had their doors and trunks open with the radios all in tune to the fireworks show. Occasionally you'd hear neighboring complexes erupt in applause and see the occasional photo flash. I felt out of place since I seemed to be the only one out there alone, but no one bothered me so that feeling went away quickly.

I took 108 shots, about the same as last year. How strange.

The show lasted about 30 minutes and as soon as the finale was over, everyone that was on the roof got back in their cars and went back to their lives. I've never seen ANY cars on the 7th level until today. I love going up there once a week and seeing just how FLAT it is here. The rooftop here was what sold me on my housing choice. If it weren't for the weather, I'd probably be up there more often.

Watching the fireworks from my vantage point reminded me of the one year a friend of mine snuck me up into a government building (post 9/11) and we had our own private roof top show right on the San Diego Bay overlooking the Embarcadero. It was a beautiful show.

After seeing tonights fireworks I really miss seeing the reflection of the explosions on the water. There are enough lakes here, its a wonder why don't they have the shows out on the water? Less of a fire hazard you'd thing? I didn't see the reflections last year because of where I chose to watch the fireworks so that's one positive ~ right? It made me not miss it so much.

I wanna know why they chose to have their festivities tonight instead of tomrorow? Wonder if its the same reason I can't buy wine @ the grocery store.

Just add it to the list.

Well I did it, I survived June an I'm ready to take on July. I survived all the first time payments and deposits of all those bills such as High-Speed Internet Equipment Rental Deposits (why I can't use my own modem is beyond me) and all the stupid account setup fees and 'we just don't trust you' deposits that come with the insane price gouging electric companies here. I survived my car insurance doubling despite what I think was moving to a 'nicer' neighborhood (tell me again why I'm paying more when my car is now enclosed in a garage, I live in a gated community and my commute to work is 5 miles shorter ~ why am I paying MORE for car insurance?) I survived adding my mom to my mobile account and doubling my minutes ~ too bad D&G are no longer with my provider cause there goes all my 'free' calls ;).

I made it thru eating roast beef and avocado sammiches and micro-waved taquitos. I spent weekend after weekend @ home in June wondering if moving out and on my own was such a wise decision so quickly and after being presented with sleeping on my cousin's couch ~ I had the biggest smile on my face when I realized that I actually have a 'HOME' to go to and a bed of my own to SLEEP in. That was the greatest feeling and definitely made up for all those poor and broke weekends.

The plan originally was to stay with my brother no more than two months which is what did happen. What didn't happen (which was also part of my plan) was to buy and replace all that stuff that I no longer have. However what did happen was I ended up blowing alot of my money on new girly clothes for my new girly body as well as getting lots of stuff tailored and altered, spent alot of it going to salons and replacing all my hair products that were almost gone, helping out my parents, and spending more time in the salon removing hair and painting nails ;)

What I wanted to do was replace my camera, get a fluffy bed, find that perfect couch and of course replace all my lost wares in my ultimate kitchen.

I got a loaner camera, a loaner bed, a loaner lazyboy, and I'm slowly but surely replacing my kitchen gadgets one by one.

After getting my rent taken care of, I decided it was time to celebrate and cook one of my favorite dishes: Shrimp Scampi!! (I really need to get some more favorite dishes btw ~ once I get a DVR, I can work on that :))

I go to my grocery store (the one with the bank, not the one I wanted to go to) and to my disappointment they didn't ice up my shrimp and they DIDN'T have ANY liquor. WTF? Mannies grocery store in BFE sells wine, and the grocery store I wanted to go to sells it too (about 2 miles away). Oh well. I was given directions to the liquor store around the corner and eventually ended up home.

Well guess what? I don't have a corker. DOH! So now my shrimp is prob cooking itself in the warm air cause of all the driving and I don't have even a screw to pop open my wine bottle.

I tried to improvise and use my brothers drill ~ it wasn't nearly as funny as this, especially since it didn't work. I opened the door to my apt and just so happened to have a neighbor walking by who did have a corker. Sweet. I thanked her and went on to making my dinner.

The shrimpies felt a bit dry but over all the dish was wonderful. Not to mention I now have butter, pepper flakes, parsley, parmesan, balsamic vinegar and olive oil ~ so now I can cook more italian stuff later this week.

I need to add a bread knife and a corker to my list. I was soo happy with the outcome and can't wait to eat leftovers tomorrow.

All the cool girls are doing it....

I saw that my friend did this, and she got it from here. Here's my opinion on this quiz.

1) Why do geek girls find geek guys attractive? Does it go beyond the
ill-fitting clothes, the recent stench of stale pizza and spilled mountain
dew, and the CRT radiation-burned eyeballs?

If something I do that others consider 'weird' the geek doesn't (such as my eating more ketchup than fries ~ prime example) Or if he finds some way to point out something funny instead of the typical "that's gross" will definitely get my attention.

Or if I say "Any volunteers for the weekend viewing of Transformers" and we can talk about how when we were kids which transformers we had and which our favorites were instead of ... well only being interested in the movie cause I said I wanted a date and then saying something like "I like your _____."

2) What can a geek guy do to get a geek girl to notice him?

Show me you have some culture. Seriously food is not only about take out. As Napolean Dynamite said "Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!" Show me you have skills in the kitchen, then show me your collection.

So you have an awesome collection of MP3's and a kick ass system to blast it. Do you like live shows? Wanna check it some out? How about live theatre instead of watching the same DVD's over and over again.

Basically what I'm saying is, I want to get out of that geek comfort zone of behind the keyboard.

3) Does a geek girl judge a geek guy on the technology that he surrounds
himself with?

Just like non geek girls judge non geek boys by the cars they drive, this geek girl is impressed with the toys the boys have. And just because it's old doesn't mean it's crap.

4) True/False: Geek girls are more affectionate than non-geek girls. Why?

For this geek girl, that's depends. I typically don't like PDA's. When it's time to wind down though, I like cuddling up and snuggling on the couch. I like holding hands and guys that open doors for me. I like spooning and all that other girly stuff, just not overtly attention getting PDA's.

5) What is the one conversation topic that a geek girl can't resist?

Once I've warmed up to you and I'm comfortable around you, ask me how I feel about something and if you're listening you'll ask me for details. It's the fact that you care about what I say that gets my attention.

6) Have you ever used your girl geekiness to sway the outcome of an event
that a geek boy controlled? Say, for example, your ability to acquire an
Xbox 360 on the day of release?

Of course. I don't have my B008i3s working for me like some girls though, but I do have my charming good looks that have gotten me a game or two before release date.

7) Do geek boys make better longterm relationship partners that non-geeks?
Why?

In my case yes. Of course all three geeks have been over 4 years.

8) True/False: Geek girls are impressed by geek boys that continuously show them how much smarter they are.

False. No one wants to be put down. There are not to many ways to say you're smarter than someone with out the other person feeling like a dolt or worse unequal. Abuse comes in many forms and mental is one of the worst.

9) Amongst the members of the tribe 'geek', sexism does not exist. All
geeks are created equal, therefore all are paid equal. Is this true in your
experience?

Yea right. The boys still bring in more money than me. I think even in the fashion industry the boys bring home more than the girls. The only 'career' that women make more than men is modeling and porn and everybody knows that SEX sells. Everyone also knows that looks fade and smarts are always there.

10) What is the worst pick up line that a geek boy has used on you?

Wanna see my version of Thor's Hammer?

I just don't care.

I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I had a semi eye opening experience this past weekend and it made me realize that no matter how much I care about someone, it's just never enough. I also realized that even if you open your mouth with the best intentions, no matter what you say ~ you're still the asshole.

And if you don't say anything, but then say that you WANTED to say something ~ you're an even bigger asshole. So why bother caring? It's just too painful.

Knowing where you are.

I've been in Texas now since late November but I still can't get used to my new area code. Everytime I'm asked my phone number I usually always say "619... I mean 214". You would think that after seven months I would not still be doing this. I havn't done it on my address, so why am I having trouble with the phone number?

Socially acceptable deviant behaviour.

Do you think there really is such thing?

Ever have one of those days where no matter what you try to do right, everything and everyone just seems out to get you?

I woke up late this morning, about 55 minutes late which meant that I had about 35 minutes to get ready. Lucky for me I took a shower the night prior. I attempt to blow my hair out straight and again my hair refused to cooperate.

Just great. I pull it back in a classic chignon and walk out the door.

Just why does my hair want to pull temper tantrums? What can I do to bribe my hair into submission? I like the new look and all, but I just want my hair to do what I want it to and not what it wants to. Either way, it's still healthy and that's all that matter right?

Right around lunch time I figured out why my hair was being childish. Me and the ladies step outside and guess what was waiting? None other than my friends the rainclouds. That explains the puffy frizzies. The second the ladies and I step in the car is when the rain comes down. So we're all discussing where to go and agree on 'cheap mexican'. The funny thing about the Big D are the neighborhoods: On one block you'll see homes worth over a mil, the next block over are homes and business with bars on windows and are completely worn down. However the property they sit on is worth a very pretty penny.

I think they should do like San Diego did to the neighborhoods on the 15, which is pay them off, tear them down and rebuild. Everyone I've spoken to has said how much the neighborhoods around my office have changed in the past 20 years. For me they're just not changing fast enough.

We pull into the parking lot of the restaurant. It's full of potholes, bars are all over the windows, some of the building brick surfaces are full of scars with huge bits missing from them. As I walk past a few of the other businesses I notice all kinds of little things that make me think I'd just rather not be here in non daylight hours. Even San Ysidro never made me feel this unsafe.

In the restaurant, it smells like my grandma's kitchen. Ok, it's not so bad now and all of a sudden my tension seems to go away. We take our seats, order our food and OMG it's delicious!!!

----

So back at work the rain continues. From what I remember on the morning news, the storms were way north of us so where did they come from?

Today the sky didn't turn dark, but I did get a nice lightning show along with the thunder acoustics. My boss asked me if I had ever seen lightning. I had to admit to him that lightning and thunder are pretty rare in SD. I grew up here in Texas, but as a kid I never stopped to appreciate the storms and most of the time I ran around the streets kicking up puddles of water.

I went back to my desk and about an hour later I look outside again and guess what? Not a cloud in the sky! When I started to go home it was HOT again: 105. Ugh!!

In an unrelated topic, did you hear about Paris Hilton's new catch phrase: "That's Holy!"

I'm sitting on the highway, and it's going slower than usual when this car in front of me SLAMS on their breaks. Shit.

I'm sure all the cars in front of him slowed down too, but com'on gimme a break. Traffic reports are stating that west / east bound north routes are at a standstill. Great. It took me about an hour and a half to get home and by the time it was all over I was beyond irritated. Even with my agro music it didn't help. Stop Go, Stop Go.

I wanted to push my magic button that would bring out my mega car crunching tires or better yet, transform my car into a helichopper and fly away home. Best thing to do was go home and play some Grand Theft Auto.

Looking for suggestions.

What's a girl to do? Any suggestions for doing frugal things in the North Texas area?

MMM Sushi!

So today at lunch, some coworkers and I went for a drive and found this place near the office. The food was good, but the service was lacking. I don't think I'll be going back.

Triggers

So this evening, I watched the second episode of that show "Army Wives" on Lifetime and there is a scene where the main character and newest army wife takes her new husband on their 'honeymoon' to Morocco (she's trying to learn about the middle east).

For some reason seeing the scene that took place triggered a smell in the back of my head that I can't recall for at least 10 years, if not more. Isn't it weird how seeing something like that can trigger such a powerful memory ~ that you smell what you remember?

Civic's. Mini's & Rabbits . . . Oh My!

So here I am in the process of going out and doing some car browsing in the hot summer weather. I've narrowed my choices down to basically the Civic and the Rabbit and probably more specifically the Civic just because it has all those goodies, awards and longevity, not to mention awesome resale value. I started off looking at Honda Civics, Hyundai Tiberons, Scion tC, Mini Cooper and the VW Rabbits. Then there are the unattainable cars such as the BMW 325, Volvo C70, Mazda RX8, Audi TT and of course the BMW M3, all coupes of course. No topless cars please.

Can you tell I like small cars? I keep wondering when I'm gonna 'grow up' and desire one of those sedans or SUV's and I just don't see it happening. I happen to like small cars cause it's just me ~ I rarely have a passenger much less tote stuff aside from my purse, my lunch, my laptop and hopefully one day a camera bag around. Since I live alone I don't buy lots of food when I go food shopping and even then I tend to buy it when I need it since I love fresh food.

I don't know anything about engines, power and fuel injectors. What I want in my car is something zippy. Since I'm an urban chick and spend a majority of my time in traffic I really don't care all that much about horse power either. I mean the car I have now has a V6 and is a Sedan and I RARELY ever get to feel that power being used unless I happen to drive during non traffic hours (which is rare). The only passengers I've had have been my parents, my brother and his wife, oh yea and Manny once. What I really want is a sunroof an iPod connector (who cares about CD players anymore, right?) HD Radio, power windows/locks, power seats and purrty tires.

Smaller cars also cool down faster in the heat :) I took a test drive at VW the other day. I tested out the VW Rabbit AND the GTI which was basically the Rabbit with power. The only thing that turned me off the GTI was the steering wheel. When I turn I like to let the wheel get back into position on its own and when I let it do that, the steering wheel kept blocking cause of the strange shape. That alone would drive me crazy so sadly the GTI was out before I even had the chance to fall in love with it. Ah well. As for the Rabbit, I'd love to take it home with me but because it just came out this year (even though it's a rerelease) I don't want to be one of the original american testers. I'm the same way when it comes to PC's and software too :)

I'm gonna test out the Civic this weekend. The only problem is its gonna have to be first thing in the morning or sometime before they close. Hopefully they'll let me take this one on the freeway... excuse me, highway.

Oh no she diden'

I came home for lunch today and on they news they were saying that Paris Hilton was released from jail.

Excuse me?

First off she violates parole and blames it on her publicist. Then she's sentenced to a 45 day term, which was shortened to 23 days. All I've heard since Sunday in each news segment is Paris this and Paris that. I really wish something tragic would happen somewhere else in the world to take all the focus off of her.

I'm not saying that I dislike her but she is the posterchild for all that is wrong with the american culture. She is THE symbol for excessive privilege and over indulgence not only in celebrity culture but she makes people that idolize her believe that we're all entitled to be excused because of her behavior antics and that those in positions of power ALLOW her to be excused.

So what if she only had three blankets. I'm sure there are homeless people just outside of the Los Angeles county jail that would do anything to be able to sleep in an air conditioned room with three blankets rather than on the streets in the open elements.

Ok, so she didn't have a pillow and had to use one of her blankets for a pillow. Your point Paris? I remember them saying that she was supposed to be allowed visitors this weekend, but of course that's not going to happen.

I don't know why this bothers me. Her life doesn't affect mine, nothing about her parallels my life in any way. So maybe I did wish I had all the privileges and luxuries she did. Maybe I secretly liked one of her poppy-sounds-like-every-other-pop songs but for her to drink and drive, get caught, do it again, get caught again and NOT take any responsibility, blaming her publicist for her DWI. Notice she never took or claimed responsibility. I mean jeeze, you're rich enough why didn't she PAY somebody to drive her home rather than DWI.

She didn't know how to use a payphone. I'll admit when it comes to using things like the yellow pages or typewriters or fill out a deposit slip I'm clueless so I can relate to the payphone thing - BUT there are instructions on the phone honey. I am sure you know how to read, I mean you did write a few books about how to make the world revolve around you, Paris.

It's just ridiculous. They should have just stuck her under house arrest for 80 days in the beginning. Why don't you stick your ex buddies Nicole Ritchie, that fire crotch Lindsay Lohan and crazy girl Britney Spears all under house arrest with you then reality film it on Fox and call it the Privileged Life.

Ok so that turned more into a rant that I was expecting. Why can't I get away with crap like this?

You're all crazy.

Ok, so it's 6.6.7 now but there was definitely a mix of crazy in the air. My normally easygoing laid back boss had issue on issue land on his desk this morning. The topper was a crazy woman that called in then managed to find her way into our building and onto our floor and wait outside his office.

Talk about a woman on a mission.

Turns out she was an employee in another building and she claimed that someone from our department was harassing her. Crazy. She was so distraught with her claims that at one point I even felt uncomfortable. I apologized.. why I don't know, I did nothing wrong but I apologized anyway for her inconvenience and she went back to where ever it was that she came from.

Things got so escalated that HR was called in and they even contacted me to make a statement. I made sure to answer yes and no to their questions because anything I said could possibly cause someone to not have a job. Not something I want on my conscience.

After all that drama, the day is over faster than normal. I head for my car and start on my way home when my cel phone rings. It's a 619 San Diego number. This girl starts harassing me. She knew more about me than I knew about her, so I hung up on her.

The freaks were coming out of hiding today. Gotta check the moon.

It's almost that time again.

I started my 365 day photo journal today. I've had so much on my mind for the past two weeks which has caused a great amount of anxiety and unwanted stress. I finally discovered what I think might be the problem.

On 6/6/6 I had my car all packed up to go back to Cali. What a terrible day to make that kind of decision, if you believe in omens such as those. I don't think I do, but after the wild ride that is my life maybe I shouldn't dismiss them so quickly.

Do you hear LL Cool J's song? I do. What about think about that movie with the spooky stuff? Maybe?

I was talking to my cousin Mannie the other day and he and I are such different places than we were a year ago. We're both working and both single. Last year we had no clue where our money was coming from and we each had out set of enabling significant others. But not anymore. As we had our conversation during our reflection moments I think about how much he's grown and how much I've grown. Lots of things that were pointed out to me that were easily dismissed now scream for attention.

One of my coworkers has a son that plays little league. She just told me that her son might get a chance to play in his divisions world series. This is a huge ordeal and can end up costing lots of money, not to mention time. She rolled up her sleeves and showed me her farmer tan lines, I recommended more 50+ proof sunblock and to wear tanktops since it cuts back on the farmer look. Listening to the pride she has in talking about her son, I can't help but think about a girl that was special to me at one point in my life.

When I was out this weekend, I saw two preteen girls in their softball uniforms and flipflops. They were wearing the shorts and tank style uniforms but still had their fastpitch emblem obvious on their jersey.

Seeing those girls, I had to take a minute to catch my breath and blink.

Why? I don't want children, there were times that I would vocally make clear just how adamant I was in my displeasure in not wanting to be around that crowd. So why was seeing those girls so hard? I've read you push away those closest to you, and I see people in my family do it all the time. I did it all the time, I'm sure I STILL do it.

***

Tomorrow is the anniversary that I packed up my car, and thought that I could make it work. By the time November came around the damage done was so great and the words and exchanges made were so damaging that saying "I'm sorry" will never be enough.

It wasn't even five months that it came to the point of not even speaking. We couldn't even stand to look at one another, much less exchange words.

I remember not feeling right about leaving my aunt Chris's house. She cried. She didn't want me to leave. Now she won't even talk to me and I'm living back in the area. I wonder why. I've tried to email her and call her but the exchanges are awkward so I gave up. I shouldn't feel this way about her because one day she might not be there anymore for me. I lost my grandpa. I spend as much time with my grandma as I can.

I found out her son, my cousin was in a terrible motorcycle accident and nobody in the family told me. What if he had died? He was hit by a car and not wearing a helmet (hurray for Texas laws) and is not currently working and recovering from a bone infection. I found all this about because I read his EX-Wifes Blog. Just great.

They didn't tell Mannie either.

***

When I was driving back to San Diego, I had to stop in Tuscon because it was getting to hot for me and my car. It was about 103 by 1pm. I stopped to get gas even though I didn't need it. I called Sam and asked him to find a hotel for me in somewhere along the 10. I mean he had access to the internet and maps, how difficult could my request have been? I was trying to save money and didn't want to drive from hotel to hotel checking rates.

He made things difficult because he was stressed at having a tax auditor in the house with him. I got flustered and hung up on him because I didn't know the area any better than he did. At that moment I REALLY wanted to just turn around and head back. At that moment I KNEW nothing between us had changed and if anything had only gotten worse.

I was only 6 hours away from San Diego. I had already been traveling for 15 hours almost straight.

If only right? I woulda saved us both five months of misery.

***

I guess my point is, I want to see what this year will be like. I've been forced to start over. Circumstances are not as easy as I made them out to be on paper, or electronically. Life has been hectic and changes have been fast and overwhelming at times. I'm sure some bridges have been burned and hopefully some of them can be repaired.

I don't know what's ahead of me, but I know where I've been. Hopefully that will give me some incite on what to avoid in the path ahead.

More rain.

I went to work today and the weather said it was supposed to be a normal day, normal meaning no rain. I slept with the AC on because around 2am the business across my parking lot decided to start making noise and wake me up.

When I came home @ lunch had myself a sandwich and a fruit salad, I thought about opening up my doors and windows and I'm so glad I didn't. I mean the morning was beautiful and lunch was beautiful. It was nice and breezy out, not hot and definitely not humid.

Around 3 I had to track down an employee on my floor who was on the North side of the building. I looked out his window and noticed a storm coming in. We talked about the storm a few days ago that made the sky turn black... as we stood there watching the SAME thing happened again. I excused myself and went back to the South side of the building.

As tradition, all the managers had their lights off to watch the show. I walked into my bosses office and not long after walking in there a transformer across the highway BLEW UP!!! All we saw was a big BLUE circle of lightning. About 5 minutes later you heard the firetrucks. It was so dark outside you couldn't see them though.

The pink building in the picture above was struck by lightning about 20 minutes later. You could see the lightning dancing around the windows and the second seemed to be a hell of a lot longer than it was. I wonder what it felt like to the people inside. You could hear everyone up and down the hall exclaim out loud: "Did ya'll see that!!!!"

Hehe. ya'll. No, I didn't say that.

I'm not afraid to admit that these storms scare the crap outta me. I'm sitting there at the window with all my peers shaking but at the same time I can't bring myself to run and hide under my desk (where I'm sure I would look stupid). During the storm I thought I saw birds flying outside, turns out they were twigs from trees.

There are no trees remotely NEAR my building, its all concrete. There are trees way across the parking lot, but they're still a good walk away. Circling around the windows are bits of tree twigs just floating around acting like birds. What they're doing up on the 8th floor... that's some crazy powerful wind.

I stood looking out the window at the sheets of water pouring down, watching the lightning, listening to the thunder and the emergency worker sirens going off. Down below I could see the service roads filling up with water and the highway next to it coming to a standstill.

I'm so glad I have multiple options when it comes to getting home. I have a tollway, a highway, and regular roads. Seeing the water I said that silly rhyme that you hear on TV: "Turn around, don't drown". It's silly but the cowboys here seem to think they can take over these mini rivers then they act surprised when they're swept away.

By the time five o'clock came around they rain had stopped and the sky was back to normal. I rushed out of the building before the weather had a chance to change its mind.

An old favorite

I'm sure you know that for quite some time, I've had this serious desire for home cooked food. It's been a month in my new apartment and for some reason I'm still doing the whole eating out thing.

Well ~ I still ate out cause I'm missing so many uber cool kitchen gadgets that cooking in my home isn't very welcoming . . . just yet anyway. After looking at my bill last week and realizing an average of $18.00 was spent per day for both lunch and dinner, I said no more!! Not to mention that since arriving in March I've gained about 7lbs. Yea ~ not the direction I want to be headed in.

I keep meaning to go running, but something comes up, somebody calls and I just make excuse after excuse. At least when I was living with D&G I had a semi valid reason. (1) The track was over five miles away and (2) there were too many stray animals running loose in the neighborhood so I didn't want to risk running there. I've still not found a track here and people run next to cars in my new neighborhood (no thanks, I'll leave the fume inhaling for when I'm sitting in traffic). I have a gym within feet of my front door and a pool that is open 24/7 but I'm just being lazy when it comes to getting motivated. I gotta snap outta that since it's short and tank season.

Something I never woulda really cared about in Cali since most of the time I never wore "real" summer clothes because of the perfectly tempered weather. I'm still in the habit of carrying around multiple layers of clothing, but at work it's freezing indoors yet when I step outside my layers and sweaters come off.

I wore shorts and a tank out to when I went to Central Market and all around me I saw beautiful women everywhere with their perfect legs and perfect arms walking around with their perfect outfits and there I was in my weekend rags.

I picked up all my "good for you" food here. After reading all the foodie reviews in D Magazine it seems they're the place to go to get your fresh food. I have to agree with the magazine, they have a better selection of the rarer and freshest foods out there, aside from the Farmers Market which also has an awesome collection of goodies.

When I went with my new gal pal, we passed by a "real" cowboy who had about six freezers each with a 20x16 poster photo of a cow. Turns out you see what you eat. I know that might make some people go vegan, but I thought it was humorous. What I wondered was how many photos he cycles thru, if he prints them at home, or if they are truly actual photos of the cow in the freezer. Morbid huh? I'm still gonna get a steak or two from that cowboy one day, with any luck I won't bring home a tapeworm.

Where was I? Oh yea food shopping. I got my number at the fish counter realized I had about 20 people in front of me so went and picked out the rest of my fresh veggies: avacado, celantro, jalapeno, ginger and limes (for this dish). I saw the LARGEST cherries I've ever seen and bought about a pound of those, some Texas peaches and some Cali naval oranges (my absolute favorite). My total bill here was $15.00 and I have enough for three more tuna steaks.

Sweet!

It was all so yummy, and so simple ~ it makes me wonder why I waited so long to bring home the good nummies. Not to mention that my smaller portions left me feeling fuller than all the junk I've been eating these past three months. All in all I spent about $105 on food this weekend. I plan to hide my atm/visa card so there won't be any temptation for eating out. Wish me luck.

Rain rain go away.

The weather report said there was a chance of severe thunderstorms, floods, hail and all the other nasties associated with clouds and stuff. Lucky for me I didn't hear anything about tornados.

I went to work this morning and the skies looked friendly. However around 9am the skies shifted. I took some pix with my digital and snapped this with my Mint.

I can hear thunder and all the managers on the south wall have their lights off to watch the lightning show. Creepy!!!

Now the power is flickering and I can hear the rain beating down on the bldg.

What? You act like I've never seen rain before... Not like this :)

Why am I so irritated?

Is it because of PMS?

Is it because I had to go back to work after a nice long weekend?

Is it because I'm worried about my financial stability?

Maybe yes to everything.

Most awesome biscuits.

Yesterday my cousin Les and his girlfriend Wendy had their housewarming party in combination with James' fifth birthday party. His parents, older brother and two of his kids were there too.

All the women were hanging out in the kitchen, making tea, mashing potatoes and peppering peas. The guys were out watching the bbq, watching TV and geeking out on the pc. Occasionally we'd all end up outside together in the garage chatting it up.

The amount of flies reminded me of when Sam and I put in out grass and the flies were just waiting to get in. Don't you just love fresh sod?

Somebody mentioned there were no biscuits, so Laura and I took James for a ride to walmart to get some cheddar, sippy cups, and pancake bisquick batter. Interesting. Weird they're using pancake batter, but I'll take the recipe.

My aunt cooks like my grandma. No measurements. I watch while she pours in some milk two eggs and pancake batter. The consistency is thick biscuit-ish. My aunt buttered up a cake pan and stuck it in the oven until the butter melted. (she used 1/3 of a stick of REAL butter). After that she used an ice cream scoop to measure out the biscuits, then used the butter from the pan to pour over each biscuit to give it that golden color.

The result was some really awesome biscuits. Oh yea, everything else was great too.