Greatest Fears.

There comes a time when you get to that age when its inevitable that the possibility of losing one or both your parents becomes a very harsh reality.

To me, death was never something that scared or made me all that sad. Guess I'm just weird like that. When I was in Jr. High I found out that the Irish celebrate their loved ones passing while they mourn the birth of newborns. I'm not sure that applies to today's culture, but from what I remember at the time it made perfect sense, like a really bright light was lit somewhere.

I mean really why cry about dying? Don't take it to mean that I'm one to go the complete opposite and be like "Oh yea. Good riddance. They're gone. Move on", more like celebrate that I knew them and everything they taught me. Cherish the memories I have of them and share those with with everyone else that loved them. Of course tears are gonna happen, but I can't see that I myself would be selfish enough to still want them here, when where they are is better ~ because they don't have to deal with the burdens of everyday life (or medication, or pain, or discomfort and there's nothing I can do to help, except be there).

And by them, I mean my parents.

My mom has been having an abundance of health problems for the past two years. Nothing like cancer or anything, thankfully. More like she was just diagnosed with type two diabetes, on top of lupus, and add arthritis to that, in two years time. And in a way I'm mad. And its not her I'm mad at, but more like reality has set in and the clock is ticking.

Because I would always tell her to watch what she was eating. That she didn't raise me to eat that way. I would suggest that she take up walking with my dad, even if it was going up and down indoor air conditioned supermarkets. When I was a kid my mom would weigh what she ate, and work out to her VHS tapes. I even tried to be like her and Mousercise at 6am all summer long.

I don't know the difference between type 1 and type 10 or if there is even a type 10. But I do know now, that I'm more at risk that ever and I doubt that whatever she has is reversible.

One grandma lived until her seventies. My other grandma is still with us, and she's the only grandparent I have left, who also has diabetes. My grandpa passed away late last year from ulcer complications that finally led to internal bleeding. My dad has almost been taken away from me three times. T H R E E. And I know every reason was of very unusual, out of his hands, freak incident circumstances. But my mom. Most of it could have been prevented. My mom, who I always thought would live forever.

The reality is that the past doesn't matter, it's what I do with her today that counts.

I'm afraid that I might not get another 20 years with her, and now I might be one of those selfish people that I don't understand that cry at funerals. Which only means I need to enjoy what time I have left with her, and hope this is the scare that she needs to actually take care of herself, because nothing I said to her got into her head.

Please don't tell me that you can't change people, they have to want to change. I'm aware of that. I don't know what I'm mad at, but add this to the list of everything else that is just pissing me off lately, that I also can't seem to let go of.

The most important this is she's still here with me, and I get to see her this weekend. Hopefully I'll have done enough research to give her some useful advice.

So go on watch this and laugh, cause I've already cried enough for one day.:

Read a mudda . . .

So I'm watching CNN today because like the good girl that I am, I wanted to be like all 'up to date' on my current world and social events and as I'm sitting there I see this:

As you know, the news prompters are making their typical monotone CNN educated PC observations and trying their hardest to not bust out laughing. I sat there in my living room, eyes glued to the tv and jaw agape down to the floor, I was mesmerized and shocked at what I was seeing. It didn't even seem that CNN had any censorship on-air, but it could be possible that my mind has grown so accustomed to filling in the gaps.

After it was over I had to youtube it to see the whole thing. The commentators were talking over the video, and of course was only partially aired. So I watched it, and I didn't know where to feel dirty, to laugh, or to shake my head in disbelief.

I have to say, I totally get the satire. Really I do. I even appreciate it as well as all the slander and offensive language. Seriously, how else are you going to reach out and slap your target audience? Watch this video and get past the frequent F-bombs and stereo-typical one-sided-accepted use of hip-hops N-'splicitive word and tell me if you can hear this songs very hard hitting message.

I'm not one to say that I get *inner-city* culture cause I don't. I didn't grow up there, much less know anybody that is proud to say rose-above and climbed out. I studied my ass off, during high school, in college and everything I've learned in between is something that can be applied to everyday life. The situation just has to present itself.

With that said I am of the belief that they chose to STAY there, surrounded by the mess they create for themselves. Not only do they not care for themselves, but they don't care for their surroundings, their offspring or the society they enclose and isolate themselves in.

The people that are able to rise above, either because they are smart, or talented and on some occasions both. Combine that with luck and you have the newest and most dangerous American: the superstar role models.

Long ago and even now, I'm moved by the deeply powerful lyrics that came out of these so called role models. When all they really are are self proclaimed, and proud of it, thugs. Every now and then one would sing something that really make you *THINK* and appreciate what you had and even be happy they were no longer a part of their former surroundings. It all that changes when you see them become these freakish role models and you hear them open their mouth. You gotta wonder: "Is this an act?". They propagate to all the other inner-city youth that they should be flossin their grills and spending their money on useless trash. On top of that, they make it seem that just because one person made it out, everyone else is ENTITLED to as well.

And that's just not the case. The American way now is different than it was 10, 20, 50 and surely 100 years ago. Todays kids believe they're entitled to be special because they've been told they're special their entire lives. They've had everything handed to them from day one and never had to work for it, figure it out, or do any of the hard work. I believe this applies to the inner city kids as well.

My generation is so full of angsty late 20 to early 40 years olds who tend to believe that you work for what you have and that respect is something that's earned not just handed out. My parents generation is of the belief that you respect anyone older than you, even if they're not worthy of it.

I might have gotten off track here, the point is. Todays generation of kids don't raise the kids they have, somebody else does. They don't care about anything except material possessions that mean nothing and have absolutely ZERO value from the point they've been paid for, usually by somebody else. And the only way that todays kids WILL read something is if you put in on your ass and SHAKE it.

I've been saying for years I wanted to make a tshirt on it that says "SMART" but I don't think that anybody but me would wear it. Education is everything and opens so many doors.

Things that make me laugh.

I'm a commercial geek, here are some of my favorites that no matter how many times I see them, they typically make me laugh. If I'm having a cruddy day and I'm frowning ~ they pep me up!

The Pepto Bismo Monsters



Subaru's Ricky



Maybe I wanna be a french fry! (Burger King)


I'll add more to this as I think of them.