I miss it, I really do. I have my cousin who I can talk to, but getting him to have a conversation over the phone is damn near impossible. I don't blame him though, in all honesty I don't care to talk on the phone either ~ unless it's to friends or family that I don't have the remote possibility of seeing face to face. Even then, I get tired of holding the phone or worse my headset runs outta juice. I get even more annoyed when I get my cel phone bill and I've gone over or am close to running over my minutes. Lucky for me, most of my chatty friends are on the same network as me.
When it comes to IM's ~ I get a bit flustered here as well. Sometimes one party gets more into the conversation than the other, or one has other things going on such as one handed web browsing, working, cooking, family or what have you. The other thing; I type, think, and talk so fast that sometimes when it comes to IM's if you try to actually read my train of thought none of it makes sense even though it did when my hamster wheels were churning out the ideas.
Then there is txting. To be honest, I really really really, I mean really HATE txting. It's been around since 2000 with BREW and SMS (if not before then ~I just remember working with my beta BREW capable cel phone and thinking I was hot shit with my POS plastic celly that couldn't make calls for beans, but I could send txt messages all over San Diego!!). Before then actually because of IM's, us Gen-X geeks just wanted a way to be more treky and have SMS on our cel phones. Actually it's just one more way to be unreachable, if you want honesty.
Which brings me to this. It seems here in this metro area, people have to resort to using txt messaging because they're not allowed to use their cel phones at work, much less their work phone to oh I dunno, say call somebody and ask them to do some simple task. Instead, you have to fumble around with this tiny keypad that sometimes auto says what it thinks you might be trying to say. The other thing is it sometimes takes longer to type out what you WANT to say than it does to actually call the person and get your point across. Why go thru all that trouble?
Another thing, I've upped my plan to the 'unlimited' plan. Yea, unlimited my ass. It's unlimited to everyone on my network, NOT to people outside of my network. I only get 500 messages when it comes to them!! WTF is this? All my network friends usually pick up the phone and call me, or better yet IM me. All my new friends and friends on other networks have txt messages flying to my phone all day long. Which brings me to the point of the 500 'unlimited' txt's. That includes sending AND receiving!!! Which means I really only have 250 'unlimited' txt's, especially if I want to reply to somebody. It makes my head spin. To top that off, once I go over my limit then it's ten cents per txt. I'm sorry, but I don't care enough to add up paying for silly txts that say "Yea!" Seriously, pick up the phone and call me, or better yet don't be surprised when I call you.
Back to the intelligent conversation part. Here I am stuck in hicksville hell, I really hate it here and staying positive is getting harder and harder as days go by. I've given up on trying to go out and have a social life here because there isn't much to chose from. I've been told for as long as I can remember that I'm unapproachable, though the Boomhauer's of the social scene just keep persisting on trying. I have yet to find a Boomhauer that can actually form a coherent sentence much less keep my interest before he unwillingly shows me his flaws and I write him off.
As for the women, the ones I would be interested in hanging out with, I work with and I have a pretty strict rule when it comes to hanging with the coworkers, don't date them, don't hang with them, don't trust them. They're coworkers and they'll stab you in the back!! The only exceptions to this rule were Ally and Rachel and only cause they were in different states :). But anyway, I can't find a chick to hang with that isn't interested in shopping, their children, themselves, or that I can talk to about stuff I can relate to. Why is this so hard?
I'm far away from all my chicky cousins ~ and I'd rather go shopping and talk about chicky things with them anyway. The only problem is they're all four plus hours away. My mom is more interested in sleeping most of the time and I can't talk to her about world issues or current events. It's all very frustrating.
Don't even get me started on my dad. His negativity is really starting to rub off on me again and I spent years trying to get rid of it. I think I finally actually DID get rid of all that negative baggage when I came back home to the negative nest. Here I am in a rut again catching myself with these negative thoughts and cursing my dad because he does it without even thinking that he does it. The only difference is I know I'm doing it, yet I still do it. I swear the man NEVER EVER says a nice thing about ANYTHING. I catch myself leaving the room now when he does talk just because I don't want to hear his criticism anymore.
The only problem is, I don't have anywhere to go. I'm a fucking adult but I feel like a kid because I go hide in my room. It just proves that no matter how much you change, things still stay the same. I hide in my room because I don't know how to make him understand that his negativity just makes him look like a bitter, angry, complaining man. It makes him look like his mom, my grandma that I couldn't stand. She was also an angry, bitter, mean, alcoholic and cruel person. I guess the only positive thing I can say about my dad is at least he wasn't an alcoholic, at least he didn't cheat on my mom, at least he and my mom are still together after 36 or so years. That's more that I can say about a lot of people and their relationships. At least they can still sit together and have dinner, despite all his complaining, they can still laugh and speak in their own couple language together. Which also goes to further my isolation and wish I had somebody to have an intelligent conversation with.
I know this is only temporary, but right now every thing seems to have slowed to a crawl. The only option I have right now is to wait it out. The first chance I have to jump ship though, you can bet I'll be the first one out of the boat. As they say, nothing worth having is ever easy. But what did this have to do with having somebody to talk to?
When it comes to IM's ~ I get a bit flustered here as well. Sometimes one party gets more into the conversation than the other, or one has other things going on such as one handed web browsing, working, cooking, family or what have you. The other thing; I type, think, and talk so fast that sometimes when it comes to IM's if you try to actually read my train of thought none of it makes sense even though it did when my hamster wheels were churning out the ideas.
Then there is txting. To be honest, I really really really, I mean really HATE txting. It's been around since 2000 with BREW and SMS (if not before then ~I just remember working with my beta BREW capable cel phone and thinking I was hot shit with my POS plastic celly that couldn't make calls for beans, but I could send txt messages all over San Diego!!). Before then actually because of IM's, us Gen-X geeks just wanted a way to be more treky and have SMS on our cel phones. Actually it's just one more way to be unreachable, if you want honesty.
Which brings me to this. It seems here in this metro area, people have to resort to using txt messaging because they're not allowed to use their cel phones at work, much less their work phone to oh I dunno, say call somebody and ask them to do some simple task. Instead, you have to fumble around with this tiny keypad that sometimes auto says what it thinks you might be trying to say. The other thing is it sometimes takes longer to type out what you WANT to say than it does to actually call the person and get your point across. Why go thru all that trouble?
Another thing, I've upped my plan to the 'unlimited' plan. Yea, unlimited my ass. It's unlimited to everyone on my network, NOT to people outside of my network. I only get 500 messages when it comes to them!! WTF is this? All my network friends usually pick up the phone and call me, or better yet IM me. All my new friends and friends on other networks have txt messages flying to my phone all day long. Which brings me to the point of the 500 'unlimited' txt's. That includes sending AND receiving!!! Which means I really only have 250 'unlimited' txt's, especially if I want to reply to somebody. It makes my head spin. To top that off, once I go over my limit then it's ten cents per txt. I'm sorry, but I don't care enough to add up paying for silly txts that say "Yea!" Seriously, pick up the phone and call me, or better yet don't be surprised when I call you.
Back to the intelligent conversation part. Here I am stuck in hicksville hell, I really hate it here and staying positive is getting harder and harder as days go by. I've given up on trying to go out and have a social life here because there isn't much to chose from. I've been told for as long as I can remember that I'm unapproachable, though the Boomhauer's of the social scene just keep persisting on trying. I have yet to find a Boomhauer that can actually form a coherent sentence much less keep my interest before he unwillingly shows me his flaws and I write him off.
As for the women, the ones I would be interested in hanging out with, I work with and I have a pretty strict rule when it comes to hanging with the coworkers, don't date them, don't hang with them, don't trust them. They're coworkers and they'll stab you in the back!! The only exceptions to this rule were Ally and Rachel and only cause they were in different states :). But anyway, I can't find a chick to hang with that isn't interested in shopping, their children, themselves, or that I can talk to about stuff I can relate to. Why is this so hard?
I'm far away from all my chicky cousins ~ and I'd rather go shopping and talk about chicky things with them anyway. The only problem is they're all four plus hours away. My mom is more interested in sleeping most of the time and I can't talk to her about world issues or current events. It's all very frustrating.
Don't even get me started on my dad. His negativity is really starting to rub off on me again and I spent years trying to get rid of it. I think I finally actually DID get rid of all that negative baggage when I came back home to the negative nest. Here I am in a rut again catching myself with these negative thoughts and cursing my dad because he does it without even thinking that he does it. The only difference is I know I'm doing it, yet I still do it. I swear the man NEVER EVER says a nice thing about ANYTHING. I catch myself leaving the room now when he does talk just because I don't want to hear his criticism anymore.
The only problem is, I don't have anywhere to go. I'm a fucking adult but I feel like a kid because I go hide in my room. It just proves that no matter how much you change, things still stay the same. I hide in my room because I don't know how to make him understand that his negativity just makes him look like a bitter, angry, complaining man. It makes him look like his mom, my grandma that I couldn't stand. She was also an angry, bitter, mean, alcoholic and cruel person. I guess the only positive thing I can say about my dad is at least he wasn't an alcoholic, at least he didn't cheat on my mom, at least he and my mom are still together after 36 or so years. That's more that I can say about a lot of people and their relationships. At least they can still sit together and have dinner, despite all his complaining, they can still laugh and speak in their own couple language together. Which also goes to further my isolation and wish I had somebody to have an intelligent conversation with.
I know this is only temporary, but right now every thing seems to have slowed to a crawl. The only option I have right now is to wait it out. The first chance I have to jump ship though, you can bet I'll be the first one out of the boat. As they say, nothing worth having is ever easy. But what did this have to do with having somebody to talk to?
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