I have so many things I am grateful for right now. Yep it is that time of year, the time to give thanks, where it's better to give than to receive, blah blah blah. I wish I could say that I've had a good year, and this time last year I was wishing I could have said that about 2005 but both years were pretty shitty in the grand scheme of things. Hopefully in 2007 I can look back and say that I've finally 'grown-up' or at the very least accomplished something.
I know that when I was 21 and going thru my first and hopefully *ONLY* divorce, I set my goals to own a BMW, have an established career as an architect and hopefully be on my way to start a family. Well dammit I *still* want my BMW!! As far as the architect thing goes... maybe not so much cause see they don't make that much money, drafters make more than architects but drafters don't *CREATE* things they just draw out what the architect thought up. And well, I'm a creative being. As for the family . . . well let's just say that I'm a selfish bitch and there's no way I'm gonna ruin my beautiful body for some ungrateful child. I like my feet the size they are, I already have issues with the width of my hips and don't want them to get any bigger and as for my boobs, they're perfect the way they are and I don't want them to change. I'm sure all you mothers out there want to tell me other wise and feel free to give me your opinions, but please ~ I've had a pseudo child already and that experience was enough of a heartbreak for me that I never want to go thru it again.
I'm 31 now, a whole 10 years later and I have nothing to my name (well except maybe a cel phone, but that's it and I doubt my gym membership is still current). I don't have a job and it sux. I have not had a *real* *steady* job since 2001. Sure not working was fun in the beginning, but that got really old really fast. I miss being around people, even the cruddy office workers that get on your every last nerve. Can you believe I actually *WANT* to sit in traffic? I want to go out and have lunch dates and go on my 15 min lunch walks. I want to sit thru meeting after meeting discussing the status of department X and the budget for the upcoming quarter. I want to hear about "Jane's" past weekend fling. I want to stand around and hear the racy chitchat over the office coffee maker. HELL, I even want to complain about how crappy the coffee is!! As much as I want to hang out with my San Diego buddies, I hate that because I have no job, well hello!! I have no money!! UGH!!!! So it's not like I can call them up and say "hey it's Lynda, wanna meet up and have some coffee or get together for some drinks, and buy the way, would you mind paying for me too, kthxbye!" Yea people really love that... And what money I do have, I need to hold on to so I can pay that damn cel phone bill for the off hand chance that some potential job hunter wants to talk to me!!! This is not a situation I imagined myself being in when I was 21!!!!
I am grateful that I do not have any credit card bills, but because of this I also have poor credit. Yea I do have **a** credit card, but I don't ***use*** it. Because I'm not working if I can not afford something in cash then I don't buy it. The asshole told me this one time that 'when you don't have a job then items cost double'. I had to think about what the asshat said for a few minutes but he did have a point. I don't need certain things to survive. I don't need to go to Macy's and buy that sexy ass ninety-dolla tank top that makes me look like I can take on the world. (but you know what, going and trying on clothes is *almost* just as fun) Hey that was too bad for me since I used to LOVE to collect shineys. At the same time because I stopped collecting these worthless trinkets it made my last move out a little easier, that and I got to toss out all those size 14 clothes I was holding on to in a move PRIOR to this recent one.
And speaking of my recent evacuation, I left behind so many things and for this I am very angry. I left my second generation ipod (which hey, I wanted to ditch the paperweight anyway. It would only play 2 hours worth of music which was just about the amount of time I would spend at the gym doing my work outs ~ the good news is, I have the charger, the dock and the headphones so I have spares for the day I get to upgrade to a new ipod). I also left my most favorite down comforter, which hey I can always buy a newer better, thinner but warmer/cooler better one anyway right? I won't even go into details about how many tools I left behind. Some of those tools my dad bought for me. Tons of screwdrivers the ones with the + and the - on the end (shows how girly I am) in EVERY size you can think of!!! Hey I used them for my computers!!! My hammers, even my rubber mallet, my vice-grips, my pliers, even my damn wire cutters!! They were all left behind. I left all my winter coats... now how stupid of a move was that? It's practically winter!!! I'm gonna be cold soon.... Even my most prized Banana Republic PINK trench. It's GONE!!! My three lovely black different length pea coats, for when I wanna go all Trinity from the Matrix on your ass, ALL GONE!!! My awesome green rain coat, yep you guessed it, GONE!! My sony 32" TV it's there too. I don't want it though, I want a newer sleeker slimer sexier flat panel. The chest, the heirloom chest the TV was on, that my mother bought when I was born, ITS GONE!!!
I keep telling myself they are just items, all they will do is weigh me down. I don't have any place to store them, they won't fit in my car. As it is the drive home is going to be very uncomfortable. My car is full of all the clothing I could stuff in it, plus two kitties that were VERY vocal and VERY unhappy just driving the 55+ plus miles to my temporary refugee asylum (that I am grateful that I was given as an option). But I am PISSED off that I do not even have the option of going in and retrieving these items of sentimental value. The last time I wanted to get things back from the asshat I had to get the police involved and even then I *STILL* did not get everything I requested. It's best to think of it this way, a tornado came thru my life and everything was destroyed. I have the ability to acquire newer better prettier shineys!!!! Cause DAMIT I DESERVE THEM!!!
But in order to get the shineys I need a jobbie. I wonder if starbucks is hiring? Hey, I gotta start somewhere right? So what do I want to accomplish? Getting and keeping a job would be nice.
Comments, Suggestions, Feedback, Input? Hey it's cheaper than going out and paying for my coffee.
I know that when I was 21 and going thru my first and hopefully *ONLY* divorce, I set my goals to own a BMW, have an established career as an architect and hopefully be on my way to start a family. Well dammit I *still* want my BMW!! As far as the architect thing goes... maybe not so much cause see they don't make that much money, drafters make more than architects but drafters don't *CREATE* things they just draw out what the architect thought up. And well, I'm a creative being. As for the family . . . well let's just say that I'm a selfish bitch and there's no way I'm gonna ruin my beautiful body for some ungrateful child. I like my feet the size they are, I already have issues with the width of my hips and don't want them to get any bigger and as for my boobs, they're perfect the way they are and I don't want them to change. I'm sure all you mothers out there want to tell me other wise and feel free to give me your opinions, but please ~ I've had a pseudo child already and that experience was enough of a heartbreak for me that I never want to go thru it again.
I'm 31 now, a whole 10 years later and I have nothing to my name (well except maybe a cel phone, but that's it and I doubt my gym membership is still current). I don't have a job and it sux. I have not had a *real* *steady* job since 2001. Sure not working was fun in the beginning, but that got really old really fast. I miss being around people, even the cruddy office workers that get on your every last nerve. Can you believe I actually *WANT* to sit in traffic? I want to go out and have lunch dates and go on my 15 min lunch walks. I want to sit thru meeting after meeting discussing the status of department X and the budget for the upcoming quarter. I want to hear about "Jane's" past weekend fling. I want to stand around and hear the racy chitchat over the office coffee maker. HELL, I even want to complain about how crappy the coffee is!! As much as I want to hang out with my San Diego buddies, I hate that because I have no job, well hello!! I have no money!! UGH!!!! So it's not like I can call them up and say "hey it's Lynda, wanna meet up and have some coffee or get together for some drinks, and buy the way, would you mind paying for me too, kthxbye!" Yea people really love that... And what money I do have, I need to hold on to so I can pay that damn cel phone bill for the off hand chance that some potential job hunter wants to talk to me!!! This is not a situation I imagined myself being in when I was 21!!!!
I am grateful that I do not have any credit card bills, but because of this I also have poor credit. Yea I do have **a** credit card, but I don't ***use*** it. Because I'm not working if I can not afford something in cash then I don't buy it. The asshole told me this one time that 'when you don't have a job then items cost double'. I had to think about what the asshat said for a few minutes but he did have a point. I don't need certain things to survive. I don't need to go to Macy's and buy that sexy ass ninety-dolla tank top that makes me look like I can take on the world. (but you know what, going and trying on clothes is *almost* just as fun) Hey that was too bad for me since I used to LOVE to collect shineys. At the same time because I stopped collecting these worthless trinkets it made my last move out a little easier, that and I got to toss out all those size 14 clothes I was holding on to in a move PRIOR to this recent one.
And speaking of my recent evacuation, I left behind so many things and for this I am very angry. I left my second generation ipod (which hey, I wanted to ditch the paperweight anyway. It would only play 2 hours worth of music which was just about the amount of time I would spend at the gym doing my work outs ~ the good news is, I have the charger, the dock and the headphones so I have spares for the day I get to upgrade to a new ipod). I also left my most favorite down comforter, which hey I can always buy a newer better, thinner but warmer/cooler better one anyway right? I won't even go into details about how many tools I left behind. Some of those tools my dad bought for me. Tons of screwdrivers the ones with the + and the - on the end (shows how girly I am) in EVERY size you can think of!!! Hey I used them for my computers!!! My hammers, even my rubber mallet, my vice-grips, my pliers, even my damn wire cutters!! They were all left behind. I left all my winter coats... now how stupid of a move was that? It's practically winter!!! I'm gonna be cold soon.... Even my most prized Banana Republic PINK trench. It's GONE!!! My three lovely black different length pea coats, for when I wanna go all Trinity from the Matrix on your ass, ALL GONE!!! My awesome green rain coat, yep you guessed it, GONE!! My sony 32" TV it's there too. I don't want it though, I want a newer sleeker slimer sexier flat panel. The chest, the heirloom chest the TV was on, that my mother bought when I was born, ITS GONE!!!
I keep telling myself they are just items, all they will do is weigh me down. I don't have any place to store them, they won't fit in my car. As it is the drive home is going to be very uncomfortable. My car is full of all the clothing I could stuff in it, plus two kitties that were VERY vocal and VERY unhappy just driving the 55+ plus miles to my temporary refugee asylum (that I am grateful that I was given as an option). But I am PISSED off that I do not even have the option of going in and retrieving these items of sentimental value. The last time I wanted to get things back from the asshat I had to get the police involved and even then I *STILL* did not get everything I requested. It's best to think of it this way, a tornado came thru my life and everything was destroyed. I have the ability to acquire newer better prettier shineys!!!! Cause DAMIT I DESERVE THEM!!!
But in order to get the shineys I need a jobbie. I wonder if starbucks is hiring? Hey, I gotta start somewhere right? So what do I want to accomplish? Getting and keeping a job would be nice.
Comments, Suggestions, Feedback, Input? Hey it's cheaper than going out and paying for my coffee.
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