it's turkey day, time to get all mushy

Again with the thinking... and I've been doing alot of it recently, especially today and yesterday and trust me I have lots ot write about but I doubt that it will all fit in this single blog.

First of all with today being Turkey day and all that, I have been thinking of all that I have to be thankful for and of course I have my family and friends. Without all of you, I might have:

a) had some serious damage done to me, either self inflicted or done by a known second party

-or-

b) still be seriously miserable and alone *in* a relationship

I am thankful that neither of those horrible things happened. I am thankful that I am a much happier person today than I was a month ago. I am thankful that today I DID NOT have to eat off the $.99 menu at Jack-in-the-Box like last year and pretend I was "ok" with it when in reality I broke down and cried on the walk back to my apartment. I was really grateful that I didn't have to walk past anybody on that long walk home.

I am thankful that I have two very understanding, patient and non-judging, non-getting-involved-unless-the-child-asks parents. I am grateful that I have the most kick ass family out there, both immediate and extended. I am grateful that my mother doesn't ask me or my new sister in law "Where are my grandkids". And I'm really thankful for my wonderful new pro-pet-as-a-grandchild-sister-in-law. Because now I don't feel like such a freak for choosing to NOT have kids. I'm glad my mother was happy with having Carlo-the-Iguana as a grandchild (at one point).

I am glad I have a crazy kitty like Cinders in my life and glad that she puts up with being stuck in her carrier and going from bedroom after bedroom or bathroom or wherever small place I can keep her with me close by. I'm glad I could finally tell my mother how much the Cindercat means to me and that she understood why I can't just let the Cindercat go. I realized the other day that I've had the Cindercat as long as me and my first marriage crumbled.

(Which happened on December 6, 1996 btw and Cindercat joined me in August 1997) (Her name is Cinders cause I burned her whiskers with a lighter, plus she's all-black) (true story)

So Cindercat and me have had plenty of adventures together and she's not going anywhere, except with me! I'm glad that she still wakes me up in the morning with her potent CinderLick. I think it's adorable that she sits in my lap (and yes I know it's dangerous for both of us) when we go on our car trips. I'm glad that she's an affectionate kitty and she seems to melt most cat-hater hearts.

I said most, not all cat-haters.

I am thankful for the patience that I have when I want to scream because I am used to peace and quiet. Because someone gave me a *tip* earlier this year when I was frustrated with a person in my life. All I wanted them to do was SHUT THE FUCK UP. I wanted to know how to make them shutup without starting a fight, and my *tip* was just "Say OK." So I tried it, and it has worked with far better results what I would have ever expected on multiple occasions!!!

Those two little letters have stopped many situations from blowing up more than they would have this past month.

I am thankful that my mother was able to pull off both giving me roots and giving me wings. I found my wings long ago and I'm just now starting to find my roots (maybe because I came home) and I know why I am the way I am. Because of these roots, I hope to not make the same mistakes over and over. Because of my wings I am glad that I was able to experience my life as it has played out so far and hope to have many oportunities to use them again.

I'm glad I have the following people in my life, in no special order:

Mom - for trying, for being there when I need you. for listening.

Dad - for not asking questions.

DRH - for the loving relationship we have

GVH - for finding somebody close to me that makes you happy

MAV - for picking up where we left off, no judgement, but smarter and wiser, and able to share battle stories and compare notes. for a sounding board. for all the advice.

JDV - for trying to find yourself, for being my cheerleader. Listen to your heart and know that I'll love you no matter what you decide.

JV - for explaining your reasons.

TM-(G) - for those four hour phone calls cause we just can't get to Starbucks in Mission Valley no more.

DSA - for listening to me bitch on more than one occasion until 4am on the foot of your stairs. For giving me points of view I would have never thought about. For offering to care for CinderCat again.

ADK - for staying. period. for cooking *all* (and I mean all, especially that snow pea chicken all those years ago, even though I didn't eat it) those wonderful meals that we used share and discuss everything or sit in silence and be comfortable. For the cranberry oatmeal cookies that made me cry (in a good way cause it showed just how much you really cared) cause you saved some for me.

AH - also for those four hour phone calls, and for laughing with me AND for laughing AT me. If you didn't I never would have laughed at myself, for your sense of humor cause you appreciate my crassness. For never saying ' tell me how you really feel' when I do say how I really feel, explicitives and all.. For sharing your stories of your life with me so I can do the same for you.

RW - For all the entertainment and those hunky firefighters and beautiful boys in your life to look at. For your private messages that show me how much you really care. You've made my day on multiple occasions.

VG - For asking 'do you remember me', cause I could never forget you, and I'm grateful for the time we still get to spend together

TW - for listening, for encouraging, for asking, for all the updates.

JJV - cause you listen and really care even though we don't really know each other

For my own understanding that my situation is going to be what I make of it. I choose not to be unhappy anymore. I realize that this chapter in my life can be as short or as long as I want. I will find the best possible outcome I can. I have the support group to help me thru this.

I love you all and hope your turkey was as delicious as mine. I am thankful for my new extended family I was able to share it with today.