Why you all gotta be so mean?

So I find out last night that members of my family, not my immediate family, but close family mind you, close enough that I try to consider them to be my *parents away from my parents*, are having discussions about me and they're not particularly nice in their verbiage. Now you know I already have made some stupid decisions and am now paying for those with the situation I am in, but for people to talk about me, people that are supposed to LOVE me, mind you, but people that talk about me behind my back, rather than get the details for themselves, or you know ~ call and ASK me PERSONALLY how my health is or how my job hunt is going, but they talk about me behind my back like a bunch of cackling hyenas, it sickens me...

And I'm already sick!!! I had to go to the emergency room (yea boo fucking hoo, poor fucking me) you know what, if you don't bother to ask me personally how I am doing then don't fucking start saying shit about me behind my back, or call my brother and tell him that you're having a party for me AND YOU KNOW I'M NOT THERE because *the family* decided it was in my best interest that I go home to my mothers to recover and get healthy. It's been OVER a week since I was in the ER, yea, another bill I'm gonna have to figure out a way to pay for when I FINALLY get a fucking job, and anyway I am still exhibiting symptoms, I'm still coughing up my fucking lungs, but do you care? NO! You care only about an argument that you overheard your baby sister talk about, that she told her older sister, my mom about, and I find out that somebody close to me was upset about me, ugh. You people have no lives, or the lives you have are too boring and you think my misfortune is amusing. Yes, I've taken the pills prescribed to me by the DR. Yes, I'm taking tons of over the counter remedies and I'm drinking my share of tea. But do you bother to call and ask me PERSONALLY how I am doing? NO!!! You talk about me behind my back and think I am lazy or think I'm free loading.

You don't even KNOW what the past two months have been like for me, much less for my roommate and you all think you're so fucking great.

I talked to people that I consider myself close to both in the family and out, and all of them tell me not to take it personal, but you know what? I'm fucking sensitive and I WILL take it personal. If you don't bother to ask me how I am but you go sounding off blabbering and running your mouth about me when I can't defend myself or if you don't know the full story then STFU and leave me alone.

Yea I needed to vent. You wanna call me now and ask how I'm fucking doing? Oh yea, and screw TXTing, you wanna talk to me call and pick up the phone.

The differences between the sexes.

Why is it that us chix have such a hard time NOT getting emotionally involved? I wrote this disgustingly wretched blog that I couldn't bring myself to post for one because it was just oozing with lovesickness and I can't believe I let myself sink to that depth so soon after a horrible emotionally devoid relationship, and two it was just embarrassing at how ga ga I sounded and how pathetic I saw the world thru rose colored glasses. I'm sure it was obvious to everyone but me, how much I wanted attention.

Yea, I'm not jaded. Not one bit.

What's funny is after talking with friends and family about how to handle a situation and taking in all their feedback and finally hearing exactly what I wanted to hear, I still can't make up my mind about what to do. What's even more sad, is when somebody will tell me a story, and I usually mumble and grumble under my breath the word 'priorities' and at this moment in time I can't seem to get mine straight, even though I know what they are.

My priorities shouldn't be about some stupid boy, and though he wasn't in my mind much over the past weekend when he would send his charming texts, emails and IM'd he managed to weasel his way back in, if only for a moment. Lucky for me, I had other things to keep me occupied. My priorities should be about me setting focus and getting on my feet, and getting back on them quickly. Boys be damned.

Why is it that as women, or in my case anyway, that even though I have set up the best laid plans, something shiny and new comes along and manages to derail it? What is it with my adult A.D.D.? Why is it that I can never stay on the path that I intended? Why was I never taught the "focus and achieve" lesson as a child, and why is it so hard to find the willpower to teach it to myself? Why is it so hard to force myself to stay on course as an adult? Why do I get bored of anything so quickly? I really HATE that about me. I know what I want, I know how to achieve it, I know what it takes to get it, but why when it comes down to it am I too shy and scared ~ scared of failing ~ scared of being rejected ~ scared of someone smarter ~ or even worse, some less than average person, comes in and steals away from me something I want, just because they can talk it up better than me?

I'm not even talking about boys anymore. But this rant started because of one.

What's even more annoying is that I *almost* ruined a perfect birthday weekend because I put that boy on a pedestal that he didn't deserve to be on, especially in such a short amount of time. Even more annoying is that I keep referring to him, even though I don't want to. *slaps self*!! What's wrong with me? Why is it that guys have it so much easier, and they can just choose *not* to think of someone and it's *that* easy?

Why must I complicate my life? Why can't I put my priorities in order, in a row, listed by importance and start the ritual of checking them off as they are complete?

And why is it that my phone can't keep a charge for more than 28 hours here but in San Diego it could keep a charge for over 74 hours before whining and complaining that it needs to be plugged in? Do you see what I mean?

Why is it that a week ago I was in a state of happy bliss, even this weekend I was in bliss ~ then Sunday came, and it hit me that I have to go back to my reality, and the depression that left me in October somehow found its way back in my head, despite the blue skies overhead. I sense impending doom in my future and as someone once said to me, I'm setting myself up for failure.

Today so many things have happened and NOT happened and I desperately want back that feeling I had a week ago, even hours ago. I ache for it, but if the cost of having that happiness is this horrible empty feeling afterward, then I'll pass.

Which is why I didn't want anything to do with boys to begin with. Where are my priorities? Somebody slap me.

And no, I'm not only upset cause of a dumb boy, there are other problems there too, but the boy seemed to have pushed me over the edge and magnified all the other issues.

happy birthday to me!

Ok, so I got a few bday wishes here and there today, and so far I've been pampered and had one of the greatest birthdays ever!!! I have friends that came in from San Diego just to see me!! Hehe, yea have I ever said that I have the greatest friends ever? Well it's true.

Since Thursday, I've been able to see my city in a whole new light. I've been able to eat at these awesome places that I've never heard of but would definitely try again. I've been to museums, art galleries, shopping centers, pubs, movie houses, cafe's, bistros, you name it and of course I'm staying in one of the most awesome hotels I've ever set foot in.

I think I've found my new 'home' is all I can say. I was in this area early last year and I absolutely loved it, after spending the past weekend uptown all I can say is that I am simply amazed by the culture and surroundings that have been presented to me. I can't help but shift my focus to this little mecca of uptown paradise. I see myself living here within the next two years and I think that goal is very reasonable and attainable.

I've not had my ultimate favorite food : Sushi : since I've been here, mostly cause of budget restraints and I just don't want to be disappointed. Tonight, my friends and I drove the five blocks to this awesome sushi house, I would have suggested we walked but its raining and 30 degrees out. We sat in a table that appeared to have us sitting on the floor, ordered so much food from the menu and shared it all, had some warm sake, miso and lots of ginger.

The creme de la creme was going for dessert afterwards. I had mentioned I wanted a small cake (even thought I really don't like pastries) but earlier in my trip there was an ice cream shack that caught my eye and my friends being the ultimate friends that they are, remembered this, so off we all drove, in the pouring rain to this little ice cream stand. Turns out the ice cream can be served as an ice cream sandwich between two cookies of your choice. Oh yea. Let the drooling commence. I ordered a cranberry oatmeal and macadamia white chocolate with coffee ice cream. My friends ordered their choice. It was bliss!

Afterwards we all came back to the loft and had our version of intelligent conversation all over a bottle of pinot grigio. I couldn't have asked for a better end to an awesome day. Too bad it all ends tomorrow, and we all go back to our normal lives. It was fun while it lasted, and someday I hope to repay the favor.

Did I mention how much I love my friends? They're awesome!

Fuckin' Men {>.<}

When used as an adjective or explicative, it's entertaining and even funny. I mean, girls loungin' around sippin' martini's on girls night out say it when they're frustrated with their situations and getting no where.

When it's used as an action verb, it can also be entertaining and fun, but I'm sure you don't need me to draw you a picture.

No. I didn't draw it. I googled it.

In my case, I'm on the verge of anger and sippin' martinis with my best gal pals is not possible at the moment, and well, I can't exactly talk to my gal cousins and aunts about my personal relationships on the same level I can to my best gal pals. So to my blogs I take it, where you can all see! Men included.

For some reason I'm not surprised at all about what has happened. I met this guy who seemed at first too good to be true, and turns out he is. My dilemma here, is cut him loose, or try and turn my feelings off and play his game too. After all, he's damn hot. I mean he has me weak in the knees hot.

I don't want to divulge too many details, but as I said ~ he just turned out too good to be true and when I did find out, I was enraged. If I had been holding something, it would have been shattered in my hands. If I found out via cel phone, it would have been thrown into a wall. If my feet were on a coffee table it would have been kicked. If I were not in a public place, I would have screamed in frustration. If I heard it from him directly, I would have slashed him verbally. You get the picture. I'm not the girl you want my anger focused on.

And damn my internet for being out or I would have found out sooner!!!! DAMN you CHARTER!!! DAMN YOU!!!

All I could do was sit there and stare blankly forward. If I acted hastily, I would come off as crazy, and you know nobody listens to the insane. So my hamster wheels started spinning. . .

I had been looking for signs, warning signals from this guy from day one, but he was smooth. He covered his tracks really well, which only means he's been playing this game a long time. In fact he's probably a career field player. Fuckin' Men. Yea I know they're not all like this one. I know plenty that are not. But this one, aside from the trick he pulled, he's the male version of me, we have so much in common it's scary, or is that part of his lure? And he almost had me, hook line and sinker.

So again, turn off my feelings and play with fire, or ditch him like the trash he is? Comments, please! I *need* them today.

comfort food goodness

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*note* still without internet, I'm not even counting the days anymore. If things don't change soon, I will be finding the nearest Charter office and grabbing random peeps by the scruff of the neck and forcing them to dig up holes with their bare teeth. . . Angry much? Me? Never!!!

========================

So anyway, this story began back in early November. I was temporarily displaced, made some phone calls and was welcomed, no questions asked to my old buddy Adam's domain, cats and all.

The next day we go out to Ruby Tuesday (some place I had never been), I can't eat. I'm far too stressed and frustrated to even really want to touch food. I ask our waitress for her soup recommendation. She suggests "French Onion". I'll take it! I don't know what it is, but gimme! Adam says it's good comfort food. Great! I'm thinking, exactly what I need. Within minutes here she comes with a tiny bowl, and places it in front of me. Now here is where my journey begins.

This has to be one of the best soups I've ever had, forget me ever eating chicken noodle EVER again! Fast forward to me being internetless and hanging out and spending way too much time and depleting cash @ the local cafés just to check my emails, search for jobbies, and of course blog. Here I am at Panera, I see they also have french onion. I order some and bring home a cup to my cousin, who has also never had this amazing soup. He tries it, then orders more the next day!!

So of course, I check out food network and google ~ find about 6 recipes, and here is the bastard child that I came up with!

I couldn't find the onions that were recommended, so I used my personal favs plus what they have local here to Kroger. Also some recipes called for bacon, ewww. no. Excuse me. Proscuitio for me. The variety of recipes also called for ranges of cheese from Swiss, Fontina, Gruyere, Mozzarella or Parmesan. I rolled the dice (and cause Gruyere was the only one they would sell off the block hehe) and picked, you guessed it: Gruyere.

They also ranged in alcoholic flavors from 'burgandy' wines, ports, cognacs, sherrys or brandys. While tossing all of those in was tempting (and dangerous), my budget could only cover what was already in my cupboard: Merlot!

I also used all fresh herbs, I think next time I will stick with dried oregano since it did seem to overwhelm (or I just put in too much ~ but it was still duhlish and very sweet)

Blah blah blah. Here's the goodies and the pix:

Prosciutto
Red Onion
Texas Sweet Onion
Scallions
Shallot
Balsamic Vinegar
Merlot
Chicken Broth
Oregano
Italian Parsley
Sea Salt & Fresh Cracked Pepper
Sweet Wheat & Oat Baguette
Gruyere

Yes, I cried. I cried alot! I even had the windows open, and it didn't help. I STILL cried. I cried so much I even sliced off a bit of my thumbnail. Lucky for me, there's that part where you stick the soup in the blender so it chopped up nicely. :)

Just look at that yummy prosciutto!! I had the choice of the $8.XX per lb or the 'imported' $24.XX per lb stuff. I chose the imported just cause it looked so much saverory. When I got home, I stuck a little piece in my mouth... YUM!! It practically melted on my tongue. Too bad my roomie was sleeping. He didn't get to taste it >.> (more for me)

I chose the sweet wheat over the plain white bread baguette just cause it tastes so much better.

Alright so basically, Chop up (and cry all you want) the onions, Simmer the prosciutto first to get a bit of oils then add the onions, stir around for 10 mins.

Add the Balsamic Vinegar, Merlot and Oregano and stir every now and then until the onions start to caramelize, another 15 mins.

Add the Chicken Broth and sea salt and fresh pepper to taste, and let it simmer on low for about an hour. After it's all simmered out, if you have a hand blender ~ great! use it! For now, I made do with the awesome blender that Mannie got for xmas from his awesome mom. It's so awesome, it's able to mix hot items. Yay for soup!! (it also made a big mess that Zoey happily cleaned up, which is why I recommend one of those hand blender thingies ~ but that's probably a different mess hehe. I can't win can I?)

Once you're ready to plate up, get your broiler ready and make sure you have some oven safe bowls, add the bread and cheese (grate it finely if you use the gruyere, I made the mistake of just dropping it in a chunk form and expecting it to act like swiss ~ it didn't lol) and add the soup on top. Broil for about 5-7 minutes or until you see it doing wicked witch stuff.

Remove, let it (the bowl) cool, or if you're a dork like me, eat it with oven mitts and a wooden block :)

Don't forget to add the parsley!

old memories

So I'm in the cafe again, chatting with friends, filling out aps (and damn me I forgot my cel at home). A friend of mine shows me some pictures of his 'backyard' which triggers this memory of this toon 'Mysterious Cities of Gold' Do any of you remember it?What hit me was I was thinking the lyrics to this song would be cheesy if I heard them again, but turns out I rememberd being at "grandma day care" and being happy in the summer with all my cousins. Funny how a song will do that? Check it out:Cities of GoldWonder if this is out on DVD?

new jewels

*note* I am still internet-less, but this is my first chance at getting back to the cafe. Enjoy reading.

My Saturday was quite eventful but the coolest part of it was when I was heading to my aunts down south. I called up my cousin to find we were all meeting to figure out the nights plans at her place. Once I get there Mannie say's that he's ready to get his tongue pierced after months and years of waiting.

I wanted to make sure he was actually ready, since I thought it would be best to do this when he would have more of a recovery period (*cough* Friday morning *cough*) than just two days before heading back to his profession. He assured us all he was ready and that it was something he's been wanting to do. After all ~ its not like a tattoo or any other piercing that will leave scars. hee hee

So the wonder-quadro all pile in the car and head north to this little tattoo shop right off the freeway. I forgot my camera at home, but Jessica loaned me hers. Woo Hoo! You know I had to capture this!

Take a look:

They had such a variety of body jewelry. Maybe one day I'll get my belly done (again). This time ~hopefully~ they will do it right. I'd also like to change out the hoops I have in my ears. Small steps, I tell myself. It will all come to me in time.



So you know they won't do any sort of work on you if you seem in anyway intoxicated? They also card you!! Ha ha! Check out that smile!



Too bad I couldn't fit in the whole first picture. The artist had the total snapping glove thing down. He also told us this funny story about his allergic reaction to latex gloves. Then there is the final rinse and spit before sitting in the "Chair".



Scissor clamps of DOOM!! Needle of TORTURE!! Stud of PAIN!!! Don't forget the lube and the gloves! Gotta love the look on his face. Notice how pale he is here?

Depending on how you look at it, this was a very fast three minutes. Don't know how long it felt to Mannie though, but in the end he looks happy with his new toy!

So yea, this was close to the end of one of many great days in my new year. After this we all went to go see "Children of Men" ~ I recommend you go see it. I went in with low expectations and hearing the name Clive Owen ~ I had no clue who he was until he made his appearance. Then I remembered him from the movie "Closer" and I thought to myself "This is gonna be an awesome movie!" Halfway thru the flick I had to stop for a moment and just think: WOW! By the end I was speechless. I'm still going over it today. . . So yea, check it out if you can!

I miss dial-up

Yea you heard me right. I miss dialup. Not only dialup, but I miss internet. Nobody in my neighborhood is cool enough to have wireless so I can leech off them either. hrmph! I think even if they did it wouldn't matter. After hours of haggling with Charter Communications up in my area ~ they finally gave up the source of their 'technical glitches'. Turns out there is a problem with the 'Aerial Drop' in our building. I have no clue what that means but it involves dirt, big trucks, manly non-computer handed men and a shovel to hide the dead bodies.

After sending out a cable tech to the coven of darkness last Wednesday and failing to connect A to B the cable tech sent over a line tech who also failed to make a connection. This line tech gave us his direct cel number and claimed it was a problem with 'the system' and assured me someone would be over within a reasonable time frame to fix my precious internet.

The reasonable time frame turned out to be Friday evening. Friday evening came and went with no word from any tech whatsoever. About this time late Friday I was enjoying my favorite past time ~ cooking ~ I decide in a fit of anger to call up the cable company (because I can't look up my precious recipes on my precious internet). The first operator I spoke to ~ after 45 minutes AND giving her my cel number 'accidentally' hung up on me then proceeded in failing to call me back.

Wrong move bitch!!!! I finished my cooking ate my wonderful dinner, finished the rest of my salted lime corona, picked up the cel and called them again. I got a hold of a high speed internet cable tech this time! Not only did he fail to tell me what the actual problem was with the failure to have internet in my home, he acted like he didn't even care that I was upset (big surprise right?). I pointed out his apathetic concerns and asked to speak to his supervisor.

Next thing you know I'm talking to his boss. Mind you, it is now five minutes after 9pm. A whole hour after the 4pm-8pm 'window' that Charter Communications had given us for their techs to be at our location (and failed to notify us they would be there after PROMISING that I was at the top of their list of people for that 'window'.

I'll just say this, the supervisor not only made up for the lack of service that I had received all week, he credited me for an entire month of service on BOTH internet AND cable. He also explained the problem was underground and that he would be speaking to the DFW office starting Monday in regards to moving around some dirt and playing with exposed wires. (That was some storm last Friday night, right?)

But until then for the next 7-10 biz days, I am still without internet. I don't even have dialup. No DSL. Not even mobile web. When the superboss was crediting my account I was so tempted to ask for free HBO. So until sometime in the very distant future, I have to depend on the gool ol' internet cafe's.

Hurray for people watching!

Lynda can't come to the www right now, please leave a message...

So with the recent storms in the DFW area this past Friday, I am internetless in my neighborhood until Wednesday when the cable dude gets here. I'll have to make due with searching out free wi-fi hot-spots so until then, I'm gonna be searching for new creative ways to pass my time.

Wish me luck.

dumb drunk bragging bitches

New year's Eve has been planned out for me for over a month and a half now, probably before my moving plans were ever finalized. My cousins Jessica and Mannie had bought tickets to see a local band called Neverset. I had never bothered to check out their myspace until these past few days and prior to tonight both of them have been playing their CD's, MP3's and pointing out their songs whenever they loaded up on the xBox or played on the radio.

Both of them also were ecstatic about just how great this band was live. For me, the best live band performance up to tonight has been Dave Matthews Band, but now they're in second place (sorry guys). In my youth (lol like I'm *that* old) I've seen quite a few awesome live shows in very small venues (BT, Paul Oakenfold, STP, Smashing Pumpkins ~ just to name a few) but the energy these guys had has just about blown everybody else out of the water.

I believe the show started at 8pm, but we didn't get there until around 10pm and Overscene was in the middle of their performance. From the one song I heard, they sounded ok but this is what really got me (Jessica loves them). When we all walked in the lead singer said that he had injured his knee and asked for a chiropractor with no sympathy from the crowd. At the end of his last song, he was standing on one leg with the other bent over one of the speaker things, then he proceeded to fall over flat on his back ~ where he then finished the song ~ on his back. I guess he was ok though, cause no ambulance was called. After these guys finish we made our way up a little closer to the stage.

This cute little girl comes up and was totally excited about the next band: Bless the Broken and had driven six hours from Lubbock to see them. I introduced myself because she seemed to be the type to really rock out, she introduced herself as Myra* then my cousins and Shawn introduced themselves to her. I said to her "Nice to meet you, we might get up close and personal really soon". Then we all had a good laugh. About this time my friend Shawn..2 calls and announces over the loud soundchecks that he's making his way from his current event over to ours. I tell him as best I could where we are (since I have no clue where we are) and that we'll be seeing him shortly.

I gotta check out more of these guys, plus my group was impressed with them as well. Not only that but they thought their sister might have heard of them too.

After these guys finish the cute little girl announces she's leaving for the night and is replaced by a horrible drunk role model for all mothers. She's there with her two friends, a couple who seem to think that she's reached her cutoff limit; she's talking WAY too loud and proceeds to tell anybody in her earshot vicinity the story of her cute top. Apparently she bought it for her 13 year old daughter Missy* but though she looked better in it. So as she was tucking in Missy* for the evening she robbed her child's closet for the latest fashions in ho-tops for pre-teens.

I'm sure Missy* won't be bothered by the alcohol stains and cigarette smells. I never got the mothers name but she also tells those of us that can hear her about one of her recent drunken escapades after a wild night of clubbing and her "Nichole Richie" incident while driving north on the 75 at 4am with no headlights all while speeding in excess of 80mph. I think my jaw dropped to the floor and I know Jessica heard her too. I recovered and said as loud as I could: "You sure are a role model for your child!"

At this point her friends don't hear me, but drunken stumbling mom starts staggering and rubbing against me with her purse. She tells us a little more of her wild fiascos then finally realizes that she's hitting me because I start talking as loud as her to all my friends just how stupid I think this horrible excuse for a mother/woman is when she says to me "Oh I am so sorry, I didn't realize I've been hitting you with my purse all this time. (insert dumb blond chuckle here)" I give her this blank look because her stupidness just floors me and now I have a face to look at along with her voice. Then I recover just as she turns away: "At least it's not with your car!!"

Her friends just look at me in horror. They had that deer in the headlights look about them, they then disappeared rather quickly, but replaced her with a Barbie clone. I won't go into as extravagant detail about Barbie* only cause she used the crowd as her excuse to keep feeling up my backside with her stiff silicone goodies. Once I got tired of her feeling me up I gave her an elbow to the boobies and she left me alone.

As for Neverset, they were just awesome! My friend Shawn..2 shows up just as they start singing and I had to go grab him by the hand and drag him thru the small crowd just so he could join us. He had never heard of them, but every time I looked back at him he looked up on stage in awe. Also he kept giving me positive answers when I asked him if he was having fun.

Sometime in the beginning of their song set a lone drumstick was thrown into the crowd. I looked in the direction of where it came from and saw some guys quickly close the curtains from backstage. When I looked on the ground at my feet, guess what I saw!!! A real drumstick!!!! I picked it up, pushed it in Jessica's direction then she handed it to Mannie. Next thing I know there are about six girls with lighters and cel phones all looking on the floor for the stick. Mannie flashes it at them then quickly conceals it. They made the 'give it to me' gesture but he wasn't' giving it up.

After the show, I bought a CD, the drummer was standing there, offered to sign it. (I didn't even see him)Then somebody nearby pointed out who he was and suggested that I get him to sign my 'stick' as well. When I asked him to make it out to me, he asked if my name was with an I or Y. AHHH, not many people ever ask me that. So I said Y and now I own a signed stick. hehe

I also saw the lead singer and his girlfriend, who was also standing next to us in the crowd (but she wasn't annoying AND my cousin and I even complimented her shoes earlier that night) (but when she told us she wore high heels while walking around her apartment, just to get good at walking....heh). Anyway lead singer Shawn was saying his goodbyes to his mom (who was also standing next to us in the crowd) I asked his GF if she would take a pic of me and lead singer Shawn..3, she did, then said it wasn't good enough. So she offered to take a second. Both the drummer and the lead singer were so nice, PLUS the show rocked ~ aside from the dumb drunk bitches, it was a great new years! And of course, as they said ~ the best part of 2006 is that it's OVER!!!! WOO!!

Go check them out if you ever get the chance. If you see drunk mom, have her arrested and if you see Barbie, punch her in the boob for me :)

One day I'll upload the signed stuff. . . Maybe. Don't hold your breath. ..